Otis's scared little rabbit
by Madame Gaston 24
Summary: When this scared little rabbit becomes the new member of the firefly family Otis thinks she's out of her depth she's jumpy and scared but are they more similar than Otis realises? Has she finally got a family she can call her own and more importantly will Otis make this scared little rabbit his?
1. Chapter 1

Lily ran sobbing down the street in nothing but a white vest top and a pair of white pants, blood was splattered across her chest and down her arms and across her face, she needed to find help she needed to get away from what had happened in her home. Hot tears ran down her blood splattered bruised face; her hysterics masked the pain of her bare feet running on the hot tarmac and stones on the pavement. Her panicked running was suddenly brought to a halt as she ran into something solid and was knocked off her feet and she landed on her behind on the floor, she snivelled and looked up at what she had bumped into. She looked up and gasped at the terrifying but somehow kind and friendly looking face looking down at her with his hand outstretched offering to help her up, she grabbed his hand hesitantly and he pulled her up. The man's eyes scanned Lily's blood splattered body and ran a hand across his bold head.

"Sweet baby Jesus, girl. What the hell happened to you?" He said concerned. Lily looked down to look at herself not in hysterics anymore her mind cleared and she suddenly realised how terrible she must look and became suddenly embarrassed with how undressed she was.

"My, My dad raped me, I, I killed them, I killed them both" Lily managed to stutter her hand on the front of her pants trying to cover her modesty.

"Jesus girl, you ok I mean are you hurt?" Lily slowly shook her head.

"I, I don't think so"

"You got anywhere to go girl?" He said wrapping his brown jacket around her; Lily pulled the jacket tightly around her and slowly shook her head.  
"I'm going to jail, I killed my parents" Lily sobbed "I've got nowhere else to go that was the only place I know"

"Jesus girl don't cry, just let me think for a minute" He sighed deeply "Alright come on you're coming home with me, get you cleaned up, get some food in you" Lily shook her head.

"I, I don't want to be a bother" She sobbed.

"Don't be silly, Eve won't mind she'll like someone new to fuss over" He smiled, she wasn't sure about him he looked so sinister but he was being so kind to her, how could she refuse? Slowly she nodded, smiled and said ok.

"That's a girl" He said taking her arm and leading her to his car.

Lily sat in the car as the man drove staring out of the passenger side window, she looked at the driver not saying a word as he watched the road, she saw his tattoos on his arms and the love hate ones on his knuckles, he sure did look scary but he had been kinder to her than anyone had been to her in her entire life.

"Names Cutter" He said not taking his eyes of the road he must have noticed her looking at him.

"Lily" she managed to say

"Well Lily welcome to the Firefly family, you can stay with us as long as you want" Cutter said smiling.  
"Why are you being so nice to me?" She asked.

"Because us and you we're not so different people like us have gotta help each other out"

"People like us?" Lily asked confused.  
"Killers, murderers whatever you wanna call it"

"But I'm not, I didn't..." she went to protest but realised he was right she was a murderer now and if that's why they were keeping her safe so be it, anything so long as she didn't go to jail.

When Cutter lead her into the Firefly home Lily was shaking like a leaf she had never been so terrified, Cutters earlier conversation hinted that his family consisted of murderers and that frightened her to death, but she one of them now she was part of that world so why did she feel so scared?

"Hay look mama daddy found us a new girl to play with" A young blonde shrieked excitedly.

"Quiet down baby this girl's not for playin' with" Cutter exclaimed back. Baby shut up and pouted folding her arms in disappointment. An elder blonde lady enters the room and looks at Lily.

"Oh she looks like a scared little rabbit she's trembling" The elder woman said touching her cheek.  
"I found her in down covered in blood, she killed her family and has got nowhere else to go, thought we could take her in?"

"Hi Angel what's your name?" The kind woman asked.  
"L, Lily" She managed to stutter.  
"Well now Lily, my names Eve, this is my daughter Vera everyone calls her baby and you've met Cutter" Lily nodded smiling feeling more at ease now there has been an introduction.

Heavy footsteps announced the arrival of another family member Lily tried not to shy away but she couldn't help move closer to Cutter for protection.

"Don't be scared Sweetie it's just Otis" Eve said smiling.

"What's with all the noise I'm trying to work?" Otis yelled, Lily clung to Cutters arm as she saw the tall terrifying figure standing on the stairs leaning over the banister. She stared up with wide eyes at the angry man staring down at her with his long wavy blonde hair flowing down over the banister and his piercing green eyes staring at her, his face hidden behind a bushy beard but she could still tell he was angry.

"Otis this is Lily she's one of the family now" Eve announced.

"She looks like a scared little rabbit, fuck Cutter what were you thinking? She's not one of us" Otis growled causing Lily to flinch.

"Fuck you talking about Otis she's covered in her parents' blood for fuck sake she really did a number on them"

"Still doesn't mean she's cut out to be here"  
"Well she's your responsibility now Otis you show her the way" Cutter said grinning.

"What!" Lily and Otis yelled in unison looking shocked and outraged at Cutter then at each other, Lily saw Cutter grinning and she knew he had done that on purpose just to annoy Otis. Lily groaned maybe she would have been better off on the streets.

"Come on then let's get you cleaned up" Otis said moving hair out from in front of his face. Lily looked up at Cutter for reassurance he nodded his head in Otis's direction telling her to go.  
"Thank you for everything Cutter" She said tiptoeing and pecking him on the cheek before nervously following Otis up the stairs.

Otis didn't say a word to her as he led her to the bathroom, you could cut the tension with a knife was Otis a killer too? She thought to herself he certainly looked scary enough to be one. But those eyes she thought those beautiful greeny/blue eyes that seemed to look through to her very soul they were the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen.

"Bathrooms on the left, I'll get you some clothes" He mumbled.

"Thank you" Lily said smiling she closed the bathroom door behind her.

Lily stood under the cascade of hot water with her head back and her eyes clothes, red swirled at the bottom of the shower as the blood slowly washed off her. She began to feel relaxed she had been made welcome in the Firefly home been given a shower and then she would have fresh clothes; these strangers had been nicer to her than her own family had been. Otis intrigued her he was a man of mystery, a man of few words she couldn't tell if Otis liked her or not he had been so distant and off towards her but he was being very kind and getting her some clean clothes. Lily sighed happily had she finally found something that she could finally call a family, people who could love her and she could love in return? As a child that was all she ever wanted.

Otis knocked on the door but Lily was too deep in thought, Otis opened the door and walked into the bathroom that was full of steam. He saw Lily in the shower behind the glass shower screen he saw her ample curvy silhouette through the steam, he swallowed hard he couldn't take his eyes off her. Slowly he put the clothes on the toilet seat still not taking his eyes off her, part of him wanted to jump in that shower and savagely take her whether she was willing or not but he couldn't do that his mother would hit the roof if she found out he had attacked a family member. Otis knocked on the door and coughed.  
"Clothes are on the Loo" He announced from inside the bathroom, his voice startled her she looked around the shower blind and looked at Otis.  
"Thank you" She said smiling, Otis turned and left closing the door behind her. It was only when she got out of the shower and started drying herself that she realised the shower blind was glass. He had seen her! He had seen her!


	2. Chapter 2

Lily felt so much more human now that she had had a shower, got some clean clothes and eaten she couldn't be more grateful to the Firefly family for all that they had done for her. They showed her to her new room and gave her a tour of the house. Quietly she knocked on Otis's bedroom door she didn't want to disturb him but she thought it was only polite to thank him for everything he'd done for her today. Slowly the door opened and he peeked through a small gap, her heart skipped a beat as those soulful, ocean like eyes scowled at her through the door.

"I'm working" He simply said shutting the door on her 'how rude' she thought to herself and knocked again, Otis through the door open again "I said I'm working" He said sternly, his voice terrified her and he saw her flinch.  
"I'm sorry, it's just, just I wanted to say thank you" She stuttered trying not to sound terrified

"For what?" He asked his face softened as he saw her tremble before him.

"For everything, it was really kind of you to get the clothes for me and I appreciate you're going to show me the ropes" She said smiling. Otis shrugged his shoulders.

"No worries" Lily smiled at him, a small faint smile appeared at the edge of one side of his mouth. "Well I better let you get back to work" Lily said. Lily couldn't believe it she had seen Otis smile it had been a faint one but it had been there maybe there was something human in Otis after all, maybe anger didn't consume him.

Lily made Otis feel uneasy she reminded him so much of a younger version of him, he remembered when he had arrived at the Firefly family. He had been thirteen when he had killed his family and escaped their brutal abuse, if Cutter hadn't have found him and given him a job at the museum God knows where he would be now. No one knew the full extent of what he had suffered he had kept it all to himself; the firefly family knew he had been abused but not the full extent. He had been so frightened, scared and jumpy just one fast movement caused him to flinch, he had wanted to avoid Lily because he reminded him so much of whom he used to be but now Cutter had made that impossible.

During the middle of the night Lily was woken up by the sound of screaming it was a terrified panicked scream she had never heard anything like it in her life. She bolted up right in bed frightened by the noise and sat in the darkness listening to it. She wondered what could be the cause of the noise it sounded like someone truly scared for their life. Slowly she got out of bed the wooden floor was cold on her bare feet; hesitantly she sauntered across her bedroom in the dark and opened the door onto the hallway following the screams she reached a bedroom door. Slowly she opened the bedroom door to find Otis sat up in bed his arms wrapped round his knees, the screaming had stopped but he was breathing heavy and covered in sweat, the front of his vest top was soaked in sweat and his forehead shone with it.

"Otis, are you OK?" She said softly his terrified angry but beautiful eyes looked up at her.

"Get out!" He growled.

"Otis I..." She stuttered.

"I said get out!" He shouted turning red with anger, terrified Lily quickly left the room and shut the door behind her and ran back to her room. After that Lily couldn't sleep she lay awake staring at the ceiling, it unnerved her to see someone so masculine and strong looking as Otis so terrified and broken. She wondered what his nightmares had been about, were they the same as her own had been when she lived with her family?

Otis sat in the dark once Lily had left, he had the feeling of shame and embarrassment in the pit of his stomach, no one had seen him like that no one and it humiliated him. He was strong, brutal and powerful he had never wanted anyone to see him any other way, he had been angry, angry at her for bursting in and catching him off guard but more importantly angry at himself for being so scared of nightmares still after all these years but now he felt angry at himself for shouting at her, he knew she was only trying to help but her seeing him so vulnerably had unnerved him and he had reacted violently.

The Firefly family were just sitting down for breakfast when Otis came thundering downstairs and sat at the table, he gave her a look it was crossed between anger and embarrassment Otis grabbed a few slices of toast before heading upstairs, Lily followed him.

"Otis wait!" She called as he got to his door; trying not to sound as breathless from chasing after him up the stairs as she was.

"What" He snapped, Lily flinched why did he always have such anger and hatred in his voice?  
"Look, I erm about last night I, I just wanted to see if you was alright" She stuttered trying not to anger him.

"Just forget about it, it's nothing" Lily sighed she knew he was trying to play down the situation and make it seem like nothing, she had told herself that countless times when she lived with her parents.  
"What I'm trying to say is I know how you feel, I was just trying to help" Lily explained.

"You don't know shit!" Otis snapped in anger pointing a finger at her, Lily flinched expecting to be hit, Otis's face softened as he realised she had expected him to hit her. She so reminded him of himself when he first arrived in the Firefly family.  
"People don't kill their parents for no reason Otis, just remember that" She softly trying not to sound upset, Otis saw the tears brimming her beautiful wide blue eyes and her red plump bottom lip tremble before she turned around and walking away, Otis sighed and closed his eyes he thought about stopping her but didn't move, he regretting being so harsh, but it was true Lily didn't know anything about him or what he had been through how could she possibly understand?

Lily sighed to herself heavily as she organised piles of washing, she had tried to be nice to Otis she had been thankful to him, she had tried to help him when she thought he might need someone and she had tried to be understanding but all she had been paid back with was anger, frustration and a disregard for her kindness. She had tried heaven knows she had tried but somehow it hadn't been enough he was still distant towards her and still acted as though he hated her and thought she didn't belong here. All she wanted was for everyone to like her, to have a family that she could call her own, for people to love her and for her to love them in return, she cared for every single one of the Firefly family even Otis they had done so much for her.

The sun was setting and Lily was sat in her bedroom reading a book when all of a sudden she was disrupted by the sound of banging and shouting, the noise made her jump and she shot out of bed to go and see what was happening. As she reached her bedroom door she heard a scream, a woman's scream and then a thud, Lily ran out onto the hallway to find Otis stumbling out of his room clutching his side, his face was pale, he was sweating and thick red blood ran through his fingers.

"Otis what the hell happened?" She asked looking up at him, he could sense the worry in her voice.

"Nothing I'm fine" He growled, Otis took a step away from her, he stumbled and Lily quickly acted and steadied him.

"Otis seriously you can barely stand, what happened?"

"Tiny left the fucking door open, bitch tried to escape grabbed a knife fucking stabbed me fucking bitch" He hissed grabbing his side and bending over in pain. "Fuck that fucker hurts" He swore groaning.  
"Oh god Otis, why don't you go into my room, I can fix this I'll be right back" She stuttered trying not the panic as she ran down the stairs she heard a thud.

"Fuck!" Lily thought to herself, she knew he had collapsed, Lily carried on running to find some equipment and someone who could move Otis to somewhere more comfortable than the hallway floor.


	3. Chapter 3

Otis looked so peaceful lying there on her bed so human, so kind and friendly that it almost surprised Lily, obviously he had been kind to her to get her some clothes but she had a feeling that that was more under duress than him showing his actually kindness, if he had any. Lily slowly pealed the bloody shirt away from the wound, she bit her lip as she saw the perfectly flat stomach she quickly pushed the thoughts away from her mind and worked quickly and efficiently sealing up his wound, sowing it up, disinfecting and bandaging. Lily was glad that he was unconscious she could work better without him wiggling or crying out in pain and when he woke up he would be in a lot of pain. Once she had finished she went off to see if she could find any pain medications.

Otis groaned as he forced his eyes open, his vision blurry he blinked quickly to clear his vision and saw Eve looking down at him. He went to sit up but then cried out and swore loudly grabbing his side and screwing his eyes closed with pain.

"Fuck that shit hurts, what happened?" He groaned Eve looked down at him smiling with a sympathetic look.

"You got stabbed sweetheart, your plaything grabbed a knife and stabbed you with it"

"Fucking bitch" Otis hissed, the burning and stabbing pain in his side was unbelievable he had never felt pain like it; it caused perspiration to start appearing in beads on his forehead.

"Lily took care of your wounds pretty much saved your life sweetheart" Eve explained.

"Why would she do that?" Otis asked scowling.

"Why don't you ask her yourself she'll be back soon with some pain medication" Eve left leaving Otis to his own thoughts.

He couldn't help but wonder why Lily had helped him, he had done nothing for her except keep her at an arm distance and treat her with nothing but anger and yet she had saved his life. Lily puzzled him she had experienced so much hatred and evil in the world and yet it had pushed her to become a better person she had used her abuse as motivation to become a caring and kind girl who would do anything for anyone even if they were nasty to her, people like him. Otis on the other hand hadn't, he had done the opposite to her he had been all consumed by the evil he had experienced and that had compelled him to join it, he didn't see the point in being kind in an ever hateful word, he had become so angry at the world because of the abuse he had suffered that pretty soon the hatred had consumed him until there was nothing left. Lily unnerved him, just her smile seemed to calm down his anger and bring him back to earth she seemed to be this little ray of sunshine in his ever stormy life she made him feel things he hadn't felt in a long while and it made him feel uneasy.

Lily knocked and slowly walked into the bedroom 'Why am I knocking on my own bedroom door' she thought laughing to herself. She looked at Otis and smiled sympathetically he looked like hell, sweat beaded on his forehead and he looked as pale as a ghost. Otis groaned and closed his eyes laying his head back in the pillow.

"How are you feeling, you in pain?" She asked soothingly.

"No being stabbed is great never felt something so comfortable, almost made me cum it felt so good" He spat sarcastically, Lily rolled her eyes 'nice to know being injured hadn't mellowed the man' she thought to herself.

"You done being childish?" She asked raising an eyebrow at him, Otis mumbled something under his breath but she couldn't make out what it was.

"I'm just going to give you something for the pain" Lily said standing next to him and taking his arm. She bit her bottom lip as she steadied his muscular arm and inserted the needle; he had gorgeous arms she couldn't help but notice, tanned and muscular biceps and forearms with a maze of veins running all the way down them. Otis didn't even flinch when she inserted the needle.

"There we go that should keep you comfortable for a while"

"Thanks" He mumbled. Lily couldn't help but giggle.  
"What you laughing at?" He growled.

"You, you're always such a grouch" She giggled, Otis scowled at her.

"I may be a grouch but it doesn't mean I'm not grateful" Lily smiled; there it was the smile, the little rare ray of sunshine in his life he liked that he could make her smile.

"Why did you do that anyway, why did you help me?" he asked raising an eyebrow at her.

"Families stick together don't they? You help them when they need it" She explained smiling, Otis nodded.

"Well thanks" He said, she could see his eyelids flutter open and close, the painkillers were finally kicking in and he was getting drowsy.

"Get some rest Otis you're going to need it" Lily soothed "I'll check on you later" She said on the way out quietly closing the door behind her.

"How's my baby" Eve asked worriedly once Lily got downstairs to the rest of the family.

"I've given him something for the pain he should be out for a while, he's going to need to take it easy for a few weeks but he should be ok" She said smiling she could see some relief appear on Eve's face.

"Thank you so much for taking care of him" Eve said dragging her into a hug and kissing her on the cheek.

"I'm glad I could help, families look out for each other"

"They sure do baby girl, they sure do"

Lily turned to go to the shower she sure needed one after that ordeal as she walked along the corridor she heard mumbling, Lily frowned and went into her bedroom. She walked into the bedroom and saw Otis lying in the bed mumbling and sweating heavily, his head moving from side to side.

"N, nnn, No Mom don't" He moaned, Lily ran to his side knowing he was having a nightmare. "No don't it hurts" He cried out.

"Shhh Otis it's just a dream, just a dream" She soothed running a hand over his long blonde hair.

"Please, mum please" He begged "No don't stop" He yelled thrashing around trying to get away from the evil hands in his nightmares.

"Shhh Otis stop, stop you're safe" Trying to control the flying hands, she grabbed a wrist that almost hit her in the face.  
"No mom let go!" He yelled as a left fist flew across the air, connecting with Lily's face and knocking her to the ground. Lily cursed loudly at the pain and stood up.

"Otis! Otis come on it's me Lily come back to me" She urged, the shouting turned to mumbling then the mumbling turned to silence. Lily let out a deep sigh of relief. Carefully she touched her eye with her fingertips and hissed at the pain, it was going to bruise and she knew it.

Lily stood naked in front of the bathroom mirror before getting into the shower touching her eye, already it was turning red and bloodshot. But she didn't blame Otis she hated to think what he had suffered to get nightmares that severe, it had been her fault she hadn't reacted quick enough. Lily moaned as the hot water cascaded down her naked body, her muscles ached and she felt physically drained but she couldn't get Otis out of his mind he was so strong and dangerous and yet so broken on the inside. She thought about how gorgeous his arms had been so strong and muscular he was like no other man he had ever seen before.

After her shower she looked in the mirror her eye was now going swollen. 'Brilliant I'm going to end up looking like Rocky Balboa' she thought to herself. She wanted sleep her body craved sleep 'it must be at least early hours of the morning' Lily thought, struggling to keep her eyes open she got dressed and sat on a chair in her bedroom, Otis was sleeping peacefully much to her relief. She could hear his breath a soft gentle rhythm it was a comforting sound, slowly her eyes began to drift shut as she fell asleep in the chair.


	4. Chapter 4

Lily had woken up and left before Otis did, she thought he might enjoy some coffee so she went to make some and collect medical supplies to change his bandages.

"Thought you might like some morning coffee?" Lily offered smiling as she noticed Otis was awake when she we went back into the bedroom.

"Thanks" He mumbled, gritting his teeth as he sat up.

"I have to change your bandages today too," Lily said handing him the coffee.

"What happened to your eye Mama?" Otis frowned looking up at her, their faces only inches apart. Lily's heart skipped a beat hearing the pet name as his intense eyes stared into her very soul ordering answers.

"Oh this, oh it's nothing" Lily said dismissively shaking her head, trying to avoid the situation she turned her head to leave, Otis's hand grabbed her chin and turned her face back to him still looking into her eyes.

"What happened Lily?" He growled.

"It was just an accident, my fault" She said, Otis put a palm on her cheek and rubbed his thumb under her eye.  
"Did, Did I do this Mama?" His face stern and serious, he wanted to know, No he demanded to know if he had hurt her, just the thought of it made him want to punch a hole in a wall.

"It was just an accident Otis" She soothed she could see the hurt in his eyes at the possibility of hurting her, she was trying not to make a big deal out of it, why did he have to?

"Don't insult my intelligence by lying to me!" Otis yelled throwing his coffee cup across the room, it smashed into hundreds of tiny shards against the wall and Lily yelped and jumped back.

Otis eyes had turned black with anger his face a furious snarl behind his dirty blonde coloured beard. His face frightened her he looked dangerous in his frustration at being lied to.

"See! I did do it didn't I? Great now you really are fucking scared of me" Otis growled his voice angry and irritable.

"I'm not scared of you Otis, it was just an accident you was having a nightmare and I got it the way it's my fault" She tried to sooth him, Otis looked at her and seeing her immediately started calm his anger and bring him back down to earth, he sighed deeply and clothed his eyes.  
"I told you not to come in when I have nightmares for a fucking reason" Otis sighed trying to calm down, he cursed himself inside for being such a twisted fuck up, he hadn't wanted her to get hurt, he never wanted to hurt her and he cursed himself for letting himself get so caught up in her.

"I know you did and I didn't listen so it's my fault" She said as she got up and picked up bits of broken cup off of the floor.

"I'm, I'm sorry mama" He said sincerely looking at her across the room. Wow what was wrong with him he thought to himself, he never apologised to no one for nothing before what on earth was she doing to him?

There was a long awkward silence as Lily changed Otis's bandages, he was deep in thought he wondered what was going on with his brain, he had tried to keep her at a distance, tried to stop her from getting close and yet she knew more of his secrets and more about the real him than anyone in the Firefly household and it frightened him. What he was feeling now he had never felt before, he had never given a shit about anyone he had hurt why did she matter so much? Lily was learning over him in silence taking care of his wounds; Otis looked around awkwardly trying to keep still as she took care of him.

"You OK mama?" He asked looking down at her, Lily nodded her head slowly.

"Yeah, I'm OK" She replied somewhat unconvincingly.

"I'm sorry for scaring you mama, I, I know you're still jumpy, I shouldn't have yelled" Otis said feeling ashamed by his actions; he wondered what the hell was happening to him he'd never been ashamed about anything he had ever done. But he had frightened her, he knew he had frightened her she came from an abusive family and gone through hell and thinking of his own experiences he was now beginning to regretting shouting at her.

"It's fine really, there you go you're all done" Lily sat standing up and turning to leave, Otis grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving.  
"Wait!" He called Lily turned round to look at him. "No hard feelings huh mama?" Otis asked looking up at her; his eyes had softened now the anger had gone and the friendly but stern looking face was back.

"No Otis no hard feelings"

"You're not scared of me mama?" Lily shook her head.

"I could never be scared of you Otis" She said smiling, Otis gave a small smile back. "You look nicer when you smile Otis" She quipped before leaving.

The following night Lily sat in bed listening to Otis's pained screams and shouts, it killed her inside to not run to him and comfort him but he had told her not to come in and that was exactly what she was going to do, she couldn't risk losing what little of his trust she had. She wanted to be by his side comforting him as he came out of his nightmare but she knew she only had one eye left to bruise. 'When he's ready he'll let me come to him' she thought to herself. Lily began to wonder to herself whether Otis would ever allow her to break down the walls that he had built around himself.


	5. Chapter 5

Before the nightmares started that night Otis lay in bed thinking, he couldn't believe he had hurt Lily in his sleep he hated himself for it. In his line of work with the firefly family he could control what he did to his victims and when, he loved the sense of power and control he felt when he could choose to hurt someone and how. But seeing Lily's black eye shocked him to the core it had make him realise that in his sleep he was powerless a feeling that made Otis sick to his stomach, just the thought of not being able to control what he did when he was sleep made him scared. He hadn't been able to stop himself from hurting Lily if he could have done he would have, her black eye was just confirmation that he had to keep her away at a further distance he couldn't afford to end up hurting her again.

The following morning Lily walked into the bedroom with the medical kit to change Otis's bandages.

"I've come to change your bandages Otis" Lily says smiling, Otis can't help but notice her eye has gone blue and purple and swollen closed it makes him feel sick just knowing that he did that to her.

"It's alright mama leave it it's fine, you should be doing something more fun" He couldn't let Lily near him again, he was a danger to her he didn't want to hurt her again he couldn't let her get close. "Go out with baby get some new clothes or something" Otis said anything to get her away from him and into safety.

"It's got to be done Otis whether I want to go and have fun or not" Lily explained.

"Don't mind me it'll be fine"

"Don't be silly it's got to be done it'll get infected" Lily said rolling her eyes as she got closer and reached out to lift his top to change the bandage.

"Its fine mama, leave it "Otis said his voice sounded slightly irritated but Lily didn't listen" "LEAVE IT I SAID!" Otis roared shrugging her off suddenly bolting up right in bed, he groaned in pain and grabbed his side caused by the sudden movement; his eyes were wide and black with anger as he stared at her heaving heavily from the pain, his face was stern and serious and Lily had stepped back with fear at the sudden outburst.

"I told you to leave it, just go find something better to do" Otis growled his face looked so terrifying to her when he snarled at her she wished that he could be smiley Otis all the time he looked so handsome and friendly when he smiled. She didn't know what had caused this outburst but she ran out of the bedroom without asking. Otis leaned his head back against the wall and sighed, then groaned at the pain, he knew he had been harsh on her and he knew that he was acting like a complete bastard but it was for her own good he couldn't afford to let her get close to him again, he couldn't risk hurting her again, 'he would be fine' he thought to himself 'in a week or so it'd all be healed a new bandage wouldn't make any difference for a while' He wouldn't put himself in a position again where he could hurt her.

Lily had gone clothes shopping with Baby but she hadn't enjoyed it, her mind had been whirling with thoughts about Otis. What was going on with him? What had caused this sudden burst of outrage? He had never been that mad at hurt before, never shouted at her like that before, even when she had lied to him his anger hadn't been that furious his facial expression had been something she had never seen before it had frightened her to death.

"What is it with Otis?" Lily finally asked as they got into the car to go home.

"What do you mean?" Baby asked.  
"He's always so angry and serious, he has some serious walls built up he won't let anyone in"

"I think that's because of his past hun, he suffered a great deal he's scared to let people get close just in case they cause him more harm"

"I've had a life like that too" Baby nodded understandably.

"Some people just react differently to suffering, Otis he's harvested his hurt and its made him bitter and twisted towards people, you, your smart enough to know that all people aren't the same" Lily nodded.  
"I just wish he would let me in" Lily sighed.

"He will" Baby said smiling "One day he will, he's just got to convince himself that he can trust you and once you earn that trust you'll never meet a more loyal man than our Otis" There was a silence as they got in the car "Does that mean you've got a soft spot for my big brother?" Baby asked grinning. Lily smiled and bit her bottom lip as she blushed.

"I think I might baby, I think I might"

"EEKKKKKKK!" Baby squealed "I'm so happy for you, I hope it works out I really do you're a good girl for him hun he just needs to realise it, poor Otis needs some happiness in his life"

"Yeah he does, doesn't he?" Lily sighed laying her head back against the car seat and closing her eyes.

A few days passed and Lily was worried sick she felt like banging her head against a wall in frustration two days had passed since Otis's outburst and each day he had let her go nowhere near him. She felt like screaming his bandages were in desperate need of being changed and he was too stubborn to let her do it or so she thought. Was he too stubborn to admit he needed her to do it? Was he afraid to let her get close for fear of his emotions or was he afraid he would end up hurting her again? Lily didn't know what to do, she wasn't strong enough to tackle this on her own she didn't have the brute strength to keep him still while she changed the bandages and Otis was too stubborn and strong willed for her to change his mind. All she really wanted to do was go in there and beg him to let her change his bandages but she was too proud for that too so they were at a stale mate. That was when Lily realised she was going to have to swallow her pride and ask for help from someone strong.

Lily felt horrible knocking on the door of Rufus's work shop, she had very rarely seen him during her stay in the Firefly household except for meal times and she felt guilty for going to see him just to ask him for a favour. She got told to enter and she slowly creaked the garage too open, Rufus turned around and frowned questioningly at her when he saw her.  
"Rufus I need your help" Lily begged.

"With what?"

"It's Otis, he really needs his bandages changing something's come over him and he won't let me change them damn blokes stubborn as a mule I don't know what else to do I need someone strong enough to hold him" Lily explained sounding really worried.

"Fuck that I'm not going toe to toe with Otis mans mean as a bull when he's hurtin'"

"Please Rufus please I'm begging you, stupid man won't let me do it it'll make him worse" Rufus sighed and ran his hand through his hair "Please Rufus I know it's a lot to ask, but families help each other right they look after each other when they need them and I really need you Rufus" Lily sounded desperate, she was desperate she was just praying infection hadn't already set in.

"Alright Lily I'll help you, it's not gonna be easy though he's damn strong as an Ox" Lily smiled at him

"Thank you Rufus it means so much to me  
"It's R.J" He said smiling causing Lily to smile "Tell me what we're gonna have to do"

Otis frowned when he saw Lily and RJ walk into the bedroom with her carrying supplies.

"I've told you before mama I don't need no bandages changed I just need you to leave me the hell alone" Otis sighed becoming fed up of having to repeat his self.

"You need them changing Otis it'll make you worse if it becomes infected"

"Just stay the fuck away from me!" Otis growled how much did he have to tell her to keep her safe?  
"Otis we can do this the easy way or the hard way" Lily soothed. Otis frowned his forehead wrinkled and his eyes scowled.

"Bring it mama" Lily nodded to R.J who proceeded to pin Otis to the bed, he was straddled over him using his legs to keep Otis legs still and holding his arms down with his hands using all his weight to try and stop him from moving.

"R.J what the fuck get off me man" Otis yelled trying to buck free, Otis didn't like being constrained he felt powerless and he didn't like it.

"It's for your own good man" Lily rushed to Otis's side and started taking off his old bandage.  
"R.J get the fuck off me" Otis bucked under his weight causing the bandage to rip off in one go, Otis swore and yelled out in pain.

"R.J you're going to have to keep him still" Lily ordered.

"Lily get out leave me the fuck alone and you R.J you fucking traitor bastard get the fuck off me" Otis raged, his eyes were turning black and his face flushed with rage.

Lily looked concerned at the wound it was red and inflamed round the edges, she swore to herself cursing herself that she should have come to RJ sooner the beginnings of an infection was starting. "Lily please mama please just leave me alone" Otis begged out of breath, Lily's heart leapt to her throat he was begging her and it made her want to cry. Someone as powerful and vicious as Otis was begging her and she couldn't even do as he asked. All he wanted was for Lily to be safe away from him and out of danger why couldn't she just fucking listen to him? Otis thought to himself.

Otis's breath started to quicken he started to gasp for breath as a panic attack started, he didn't like being constrained or confined it brought back flashbacks of his past. Whenever his movement was constrained pain and suffering had usually followed throughout his life.

"Fuck wounds infected" She said to herself.  
"Think Otis is having a panic attack here Lily" R.J said to her concerned, Lily looked at Otis struggling for breath and trying to wiggle free from under R.J's weight.

"Just keep him still he'll be fine just try and keep him calm"

"Otis, Otis listen to me you've got to breathe yeah, just breathe stay calm it'll be over soon" R.J soothed.

She needed to disinfect this wound, the infection would make him ill but it would stop the infection spreading, she dabbed alcohol on the wound and she heard Otis whimper with the pain, it broke her heart to hear him whimper like that, such a powerful strong man as Otis should never make such a vulnerable child like sound.

"It's Ok Otis you're doing brilliant" Lily soothed.

"Can't, can't breathe" Otis gasped under R.J's weight, flashes of childhood memories flashed across his eyes; he bucked helplessly under R'J's weight trying to break free.

"I'm almost done Otis almost done" Lily soothed she felt so sorry for him he was having anxiety attacks and she couldn't help him she had to focus on the wound.

Otis struggled to get his breath he was panicking he felt light headed like he was going to faint suddenly he was that small little boy again tied to his bed as his parents beat him; he was there in that moment. He tried to wiggle free from the straps but it was no good he felt the sting as his dad put his cigar out on him and he whimpered.

"Lily you're gonna have to hurry up, he's gonna pass out in a minute"

"Almost done bare with me" She talked quickly as she secured the bandage and unrolled the bandage.  
"Mom, Dad let me go I promise I'll be good just let me go" Otis whimpered underneath R.J.  
"It's Ok Otis" Lily soothed.  
"Lily wherever he is, he isn't with us anymore" R.J said worried unaware of Otis's internal struggle.

"Please, Mom let me go just love me" Otis sobbed he finally cracked and tears started to flow as Lily wrapped the bandages around his torso keeping the surgical plaster in place.

It broke Lily's heart to see him cry he sobbed helplessly under R.J as he flickered between childhood memories and the action of the bedroom, he couldn't pinpoint where he was anymore reality was getting confused and mixed up. He didn't like this feeling he felt like him when he was a helpless little boy being tied up as a child always started with panic attacks and then with tears. He had given up the fight there was no strength in him anymore to fight instead he just wept uncontrollably and let himself succumb to whatever suffering he was about to endure.

"Ok its ok were done we're done" She announced leaning back R.J got off Otis and walked out the room clearly effected by the incident.

Otis lay there panicking with fast irregular short breaths staring at the ceiling his eyes looked like a rabbit caught in car headlights tears streaming down his face. Lily stood up and sat by him and stroked his hair his forehead was covered in sweat.

"It's Ok Otis its ok shhhhhh calm down" She soothed carefully moving his head onto her lap. "It's all over" She whispered wiping the tears from his cheeks hot flushed red cheeks.

"I, I begged you to stop but, but you didn't" Otis managed to stutter.  
"I know Otis I know I'm so sorry but it was for your own good" Lily said trying not to sob at the pain she had had to cause him. "You let your wound become infected so this week is not going to be fun till we get rid of it"

"Never, never do that again" Otis sobbed, Lily shook her head.  
"Never again Otis I'm so sorry I had to do that to you but you gave me no choice" Lily explained.

"Last time I ever be stubborn round you huh mama?" He gave a chuckle which made Lily smile that even after something so serious and traumatic he could still be a bit lighthearted.

"I better go you need your rest "Lily said going to stand up.  
"No mama" Otis said a hand grabbing her arm "Don't leave mama not yet" His eyes pleaded at her, he was terrified, the childhood flashbacks had made him petrified of being left alone.

"Ok Otis I'll stay" Lily said soothingly she got herself comfy and Otis laid his head on her chest listening to her heartbeat, the calming repetitive rhythm soothed him and he feel to a deep sleep from exhaustion.

It had broken Lily's heart seeing Otis like that panic stricken and writhing trying to escape, terrified of his visions and in so much pain but she knew it had been for the best if that bandage hadn't been changed soon it would have resulted in septicaemia which would make things a thousand times worse, she knew she had done the best thing for him even if it certainly didn't feel like it right now. Right now it felt like she was the worse woman in the worse and she began to doubt that she was even capable of bringing Otis happiness because right now all she felt like she was doing was causing Otis pain.


	6. Chapter 6

It was during the night when the fever started, Otis hadn't woken up since the traumatic incident, Lily had laid there still as a board trying not to wake him. She had administered the antibiotics when suddenly he started to shiver Lily looked at him concerned, his face was covered in sweat but he was shivering violently with cold. Shit she thought this was because of the infection; he started to mumble incoherently in his sleep Lily knew she needed to cool his body temperature down so she ran down starts for a bowl of cold water and a flannel. Tenderly she laid the cool flannel over his forehead he flinched at her touch.

"Shhh easy Otis it's just me" She soothed, dipping the flannel in water again and dabbing it along his neck and chest trying to cool down his temperature. She smiled as she did so he looked so vulnerably lying there nothing like the terrifying Otis she occasionally caught glimpses of, he moaned softly as his head slowly moved from side to side. She cooled the flannel down again and folded it before resting it on his forehead.

"Mmmm mama that feels good" He moaned as he slowly opened his eyes to look at her and saw her smiling at him just seeing her smile made him want to smile right back "Always there for me mama even though I treat you like shit you're still there for me" He mumbled closing his eyes and slipping back into his sleep. Lily smiled and shook her head 'that's because I care about you, you Silly man' she thought to herself but at least the fever seemed to be passing.

Otis almost jumped out of his skin once the fever had past and he felt himself wrapped in Lily's cosy warm body. Otis heaved himself up carefully and saw her sleeping peacefully beside him. What had gone on? He couldn't remember a thing of the evening all he remembered was the incident. Otis's blood boiled furious as he remembered what he had resorted to. He remembered sobbing under the weight of R.J as all of his pent up anger and hidden secrets came bubbling to the surface. He was furious at himself for allowing his emotions to show like that especially in front of her, he was ashamed and humiliated. He hated himself for being such a fuck up all these years he had kept his secret and then it had all come pouring out. He hated Lily for making him that blubbering mess that he had turned into then he was mad at her for seeing him for what he truly was. It made him want to be sick to know that someone had seen him so vulnerable and so tortured by his past. Otis was so angry at himself angry at everything that had made him like this, mad at him for being such a freak that he had had a panic attack and cried in front of her. He grabbed the glass that was on his bedside table and threw it across the room causing it to shatter against the wall.

Lily jumped startled by the smash and sat up rubbing her eyes.

"Mmm what happened did I fall asleep?" She groaned stretching; she opened her eyes and saw Otis avoiding turned away from her.  
"Otis what's wrong?"

"Get out" Otis growled, he couldn't he couldn't look at her just looking at her had made him feel humiliated.  
"Otis what's wrong talk to me if it's about yesterday I'm sorry I really am" She said gently putting her hand on his shoulder.

"You won't understand" He huffed folding his arms, shrugging her hand off him, Lily sighed.

"Then make me understand Otis make me understand" She soothed. Otis's hands started shaking with fury he was so mad at himself for not being able to control his emotions and letting Lily see him for the weak piece of worthless shit he really was. "Please Otis talk to me don't shut me out I care about you I just want to help" Otis's breath caught in his chest she cared about him he couldn't believe it, he had tried so hard to keep her at a distance and it hadn't been enough.  
"It's about yesterday isn't it? Are you embarrassed?" Lily asked, Otis spun round to look at her frowning at her he said nothing which made Lily feel like she had hit the nail on the head he scrambled out of bed and stood looming over her pointing a finger at her.

"You fucking know nothing Lily, you know fucking nothing!" He shouted his face red with rage one hand clutching his side.

"I'm trying to Otis, I just want you to open up to me" Otis snarled his teeth bared and clenched his fist.

"FINE YOU WANT TO KNOW?" Otis roared "YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?" Lily leaned back taken back by his sudden anger then nodded.

"FINE, I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING FREAK ALRIGHT, I FEEL LIKE SOME WEAK WORTHLESS PEICE OF SHIT, I LOST IT IN FRONT OF YOU AND IT'S EMBARRISED THE FUCK OUT OF ME, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW MESSED UP MY HEAD IS, MY FUCKING NIGHTMARES, MY TRUST ISSUES JUST THE TIP OF THE FUCKING ICEBURG MAMA!" Otis yelled his face turned red he gasped for breath at the end.

"Otis you need to calm down you'll hurt yourself" Lily soothed.

"DON'T FUCKING TELL ME TO CALM DOWN MAMA YOU'VE BEEN BUGGING ME FOR AGES SO HERE IT IS, I DON'T LIKE YOU SEEING ME LIKE THIS, KNOWING YOU SAW ME LOOSE ME IT MAKES ME WANT TO END IT ALL RIGHT HOW THATS HOW FUCKING ASHAMED I AM...YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW MAMA?" Otis turned away from her and leaned over clenching his fists stared at the ground and retched and retched repeatedly until he was sick on the floor, he felt so damn sick because of all of this he then scrunched up his face and gritted his teeth, clenching his jaw as he internally screamed forcing fresh tears not to flow.

Lily got up and walked over to Otis she placed her hand on his back and rubbed it soothingly. Otis wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I'm just so fucking done, I'm so fed up of being the fucking victim I'm fucking done with this shit" He said trying not to sob.  
"That's because you've been fighting this alone for so long" Lily soothed. Otis stood up and turned round to her and placed his hands on both of her hips and looked down at her.

"I want to let you in, I do, I just, it's not easy for me" He stuttered. "I didn't like you seeing me like that, I thought after that you'd run for the hills"

Lily smiled at him sympathetically. "That's never going to alter how I feel about you, I don't think any less of you because of it" Otis's face showed some relief hearing her say that.

"You're always there for me mama no matter how crap I treat you no matter how much I shout at you you're always there for me"

"That's because I care about you Otis, people do care about you, you know? You are capable of being loved, I don't know what you've gone through in your life but you are worthy of love and we all love you Otis" Otis limped back into bed.

"Well I suppose I better leave you to get some rest"

"Do you have to go?"

"Not if you don't want me to, it's just I thought..."

"I want you to stay" Otis smiled, Lily's eyes lit up he was smiling at her, it was the most beautiful thing she had seen in a long time, the way his eyes creased at the edges and how his cheeks plumped up. She wished he would do it more.

"Well I better stay and clean up huh?" Lily said smiling sympathetically as she looked on the floor.

"Sorry Mama" Otis said looking ashamed and embarrassed. "I'll make it up to you mama I promise"

"You already have Otis; you opened up to me, that's all I ever wanted"

Once Otis was asleep Lily went to find R.J in his workshop she opened the door and R.J was under a car.

"If you want help the answers no" R.J said which really creeped her out considering she didn't think he could see who it was.

"No no nothing like that" R.J rolled out from under the car and wiped his hand on a dirty rag.  
"Well?"  
"I, I wanted to say thank you, for everything for what you did for me and for Otis I know it wasn't easy" She explained sounding very grateful, R.J shrugged his shoulders.

"Family helps each other, don't they?" Lilly nodded smiling.

"Yeah they do but thank you I couldn't have done it without you"

"Otis, he's, he's messed up isn't he." R.J asked.

"He's going through some things Otis would murder me if I told you" R.J nodded understandingly.

"Well he's kept it secret long enough" Lily nodded.  
"Yes he has I think that's made it worse as he's fought this on his own for so long"

"Is it his past, his childhood?" R.J asked and Lily nodded slowly.

"He has nightmares and some things trigger flashbacks"

"Well I suppose I owe you thanks too for looking after him, he's lucky to have you" R.J would never know how glad she was to hear him say that.


	7. Chapter 7

When Otis awoke he felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders he felt like he didn't have to pretend as hard as he used to. Lily now knew that he was traumatised by his past he didn't have to hide that from her now, having to act constantly strong like everything was fine and he was over his past had been exhausting so many lies and pretence it had worn him out, yes he could still be the same gruff stern powerful masculine Otis he always had been but he didn't have to keep his nightmares and trauma a secret anymore he was free of that huge millstone around his neck and for that he was grateful to Lily for even if she had prised and forced it out of him. It was a great relief to know that she didn't see him any differently; that seeing him so messed up and broken when had cracked hadn't driven her away. He ran his hand over his beard god it needed trimming he thought to himself, he would do it himself but he was still unsteady on his feet and falling over with some scissors in his hand near his face didn't seem all that appealing to him. Maybe he could swallow his pride and ask Lily to do it?

Since the incident Otis had learnt from the experience and let Lily change his bandages without complaint. He really wanted to do something nice for her to show his appreciation, she had done so much for him and he didn't feel like he had seemed grateful. This too was something new to Otis normally he took what he wanted and went on his way if he received something he was more grateful that abuse didn't follow more than the gift itself, in his childhood gifts were normally received with abuse to follow to please his parents but he wanted to be nice to Lily it meant a lot to him what she was doing he had shown nothing but a gruff angry personality to her through all her kindness, there was very few people in his life that had been nice to him or took care of him, hell she had taken care of him better than his own parents had and he wanted to show her how much it meant to him.

Lily brought him up some sweet tea she was always told it was the perfect way to comfort the soul and after the last couple of days she felt like he needed it. For someone who had kept his feelings, emotions and struggles under wraps and in secret for so long she couldn't believe how emotional and wound up he got with her, he was ashamed of his emotions but for some reason after some persuasion his feelings come flooding out, maybe he did it for an easy life to put an end to her nagging or maybe deep inside he felt like he could actually trust her with his emotions or maybe he just wanted to please her and give her the answers to the questions that she had but no matter what the reason Lily was happy he had opened up to her a little bit.

She never expected to find out about Otis's past she knew that was a painful subject and something he didn't want to relive but she hoped maybe one day when he was ready he would open up to her about it but it was something she was never going to bug him about and never expected him to tell her.

"How you feeling?" Lily asked smiling as she brought in the tea.

"I'll live"

"Another week or so we should have you up and about, you're doing well Otis" Lily made the tea and passed it to him he drank the tea greedily, loving the taste of it and the warm feeling of it going down.

"Another week, damn I'm gonna die of boredom in this bed soon" He sighed looking rather fed up.

"I could bring you some of your art supplies if you can draw in bed" Lily suggested, Otis's eyes lit up and he nodded.

"God dammit I'm gonna look like a bloody cave man with this beard soon, fuck it needs trimming" Otis mentions running his hand over it.

"I, I could have a go I mean I've never done it before but how hard can it be right?" Lily offered kindly but unconfident of her abilities.

"You think you could?" Otis asked raising an eyebrow at her.

"I could try" She smiled; Otis accepted her offer and Lily lift to get the scissors and a towel.

Lily put the towel underneath him to catch the hair and stop it going in the bed.

"Now don't move" Lily said sternly and seriously and Otis nodded. Lily sat with intense concentration as she delicately and carefully cut the ends of his beard. Otis struggled to control his breathing once too many times had something sharp been near his face. So far she was doing well it was all even and Lily was even surprised with herself.

Otis zoned out as he remembered the time when he was starting puberty when he had first started growing hair on his face he had started earlier than most, his parents had never taught him to shave, never bothered so the hair continued to grow, he remembered being ashamed and embarrassed by it and had stupidly cried to his parents, Otis remembered his father tying him to a chair wafting a straight razor in front of his face warning him not to move otherwise he might cut an ear off, he had been terrified, no water, no soap nothing just the sharp straight razor scraping his skin. He remembered the sting of the blade as it cut his cheek when Otis had flinched away, his father's verbal abuse soon followed calling him a fucking stupid freak because he had flinched causing him to be cut, he remembered his father then carrying on as normal until he had finished. Little Otis then remembered curled up on the cold bathroom floor with a towel pressed hard against his bleeding cut cheek as he cried.

Otis snapped out of it and came back to the real world, Lily hadn't noticed him tense as the flashback had passed through him, all he knew was scissors were near his face and they were sharp, Otis took a sharp intake of breath and pulled his head away, Lily gasped shocked by the sudden movement and then looked nervously at the chunk of Otis's beard that now lay in the towel.

"Otis you moved what the hell?" She gasped "How stupid was that to move just as I was cutting" Otis's eyes were wide with fear as he struggled to get out of the flashback and into reality.

"Can't believe you did that I told you not to move" Lily growled, she looked up at Otis tear brimmed wide eyes. She sounded just like his father.

"Otis? Otis are you ok?" She asked concerned.

"Don't be mad, I'm sorry I moved don't hurt me" Otis mumbled his bottom lip wobbling.

"What Otis, what I'd never hurt you" She soothed.

"I'm just so stupid I moved and you told me not to just like my dad and he hurt me"

"No, Otis, no you're not I'd never hurt you Otis" She gathered him into her arms and he flinched at her touch.  
"I'd never hurt you Otis" She soothed. "You know that don't you please say you do, please say you trust me?" Lily said trying not to sob, Otis nodded of course he trusted her he wouldn't have let her get anywhere near him with the scissors otherwise, but the flashback had disrupted his reality he thought he was back there, he had thought Lily was his father.

"I trust you mama, I'm sorry mama it's just, it's just the flashback was so real, I, I thought I was back there" He mumbled embarrassed.

"You're safe Otis it's just me" Otis nuzzled her chest.

"I'm sorry mama"

"It's ok Otis I understand, if I help you to the bathroom do you want to finish it off yourself?" Lily asked and Otis nodded.

Lily sat outside the bathroom thinking while Otis finished his beard, what on earth had happened to Otis to make him react like that? He had been so terrified the flashback had consumed him that much that for a moment he had thought Lily was his father. Otis emerged out of the bathroom with a very short beard he was frowning as he left.

"You did a right number on my beard huh mama?" He said bluntly, "Do you realise how long it took me to grow this fucking thing?" He said raising an eyebrow at her; Lily lowered her head in shame.

"I'm sorry" She said, Lily refused to blame it on him; she could say it was his fault for moving but she refused to become his father.

"You better be can't believe it mama you hacked my beard off" Lily tried not to laugh and bit her bottom lip struggling not to laugh.

"Are you laughing at me mama?" Otis growled.  
"No" She chuckled.  
"What you fucking laughing at mama?"  
"It's just you looked so hilarious with a wonky beard" Lily tittered.  
"Don't fucking laugh at me mama you destroyed my beard" Otis growled

"I'm, I'm sorry I didn't mean to I..." She mumbled her head looking at the floor she knew he was angry at her.

Otis lifted her face up with his thumb and forefinger on her chin and smirked at her.

"You really need to lighten up mama I was just messing with ya"

"You're, you're not mad?" Lily asked.

"I'm a little pissed off that I've now had to cut most of it off yeah but hay it will grow back right" Lily smiled at him the shoved a hand into his chest knocking him back a step.

"Don't do that again I thought I was going to be in real trouble"

"You are in trouble mama" Otis said taking a step towards her, Lily looked up at him and Lily looked back, she now saw a visible straight faint scar that ran across his cheek that had been hidden behind his beard the whole time. She couldn't believe how breathtaking she stared up at him and Otis stared right back.

"How much trouble am I in Otis?" She whispered.

"Oh a hell of a lot of trouble in fact there's only one thing that can get you out of trouble" Lily raised an eyebrow at him.  
"Oh yeah what's that then?"

"This..." He announced bending his head and suddenly claiming her lips, the kiss was slow and passionate his lips firmly and forcefully on hers. For a moment both of them had forgotten everything, all their problems and worries but then he realised, he realised he cared about her, he realised he had let her get close.


	8. Chapter 8

Otis hobbled as he passed backwards and forwards in his bedroom, he should be in bed resting but he couldn't settle his mind was too active. He had kissed her oh God he had kissed her, how could he have been so stupid? He had let his emotions get the best of him he had been off guard and now he had let her get close, if he had just slept with her he could have handled that, that didn't require any caring or loving emotions but kissing, kissing was different to him it was intermit it was a way of expression love, a way of showing someone you cared about them, you could have sex with a women with no emotional attachment you didn't have to love them to screw them but kissing he couldn't believe he had let himself do that, if he had ever been unsure about how he felt about her he sure as hell was sure now. His parents had never hugged him, never loved him and never kissed him so he was sure as hell that kissing was something you did to people you loved. Otis had never been emotionally attached to a woman before never let himself care about one until now and it scared him. All his life he had been told he was unlovable, he believed he was incapable of being loved so surely Lily didn't love him back? All his family he had loved had abused, neglected and betrayed him all he had wanted was his parents to love him but they had done nothing but hurt him, would Lily do the same?

Otis shook those thoughts out of his head, of course she wouldn't hurt him, he trusted her she would do nothing to hurt him on purpose, but those times she may hurt him not on purpose frightened him too.

"Otis are you Ok?" Lily asked as she walked into the bedroom finding him pacing up and down.

"Yeah I'm ok mama" Lily raised an eyebrow at him.  
"Don't lie to me Otis I can read you like a book by now, I know when you're fibbing" Otis sighed the problem was he just wasn't very good at lying to her, he didn't want to lie to her but he didn't want to explain either, and he couldn't hide his emotions for some reason they all came flooding out when she was with him, she made him fell so at ease and comfortable with his emotions he felt like he could trust her with them.

"I, I want to talk but, but I don't at the same time" Otis mumbled, Lily frowned and sat on the bed while Otis paced.

"I'm always here for you Otis you know that" She said smiling.

"I know and it means a lot mama it's just what I want to talk to you about I don't talk to anyone about"

"Is it about the scar?" Lily asked.  
"What, this no, I well kind of" Otis stuttered, Lily patted the bed beside her, hinting for Otis to sit next to him, Otis sighed and sat next to her.  
"Whatever it is Otis I'm here for you" Otis sighed and ran a hand over his short beard.

"Fine I'll start with the scar, it's the reason I have my beard to hide it, when I started puberty my parents never taught me about it or how to shave I was scared and cried at my parents to get rid of it, dad tied me to a chair and shaved my face dry, no water no soap nothing with a straight razor I cried and flinched he cut my face he started shouting at me telling me I was stupid and worthless"

"Otis that's awful you never deserved that they should have known better"  
"That's why I keep the beard it makes me panic to have a smooth shave I can just about manage to cut my beard but the flashback came flooding back when you did my beard, I'm sorry for freaking out on you mama" Lily took one of his huge warm callus hands into her soft smooth one.  
"Don't ever apologise for something like that Otis, don't ever apologise for a nightmare, or a memory or even being scared because I'm here for you" Lily soothed, Otis gave a small smile.

"Yes mama you always are ain't you? Always there for me" Lily smiled and nodded she reached out and kissed his stubbly scratchy cheek.

"Always, you can't get rid of me Otis no matter how much you scowl or how much you shout at me I'll always be there for you when you need me" Otis's hand touched her cheek and his fingers snaked into her long hair as he pulled her head closer to his to claim her lips.

He couldn't get enough of her sweet kisses; just the taste of her lips and being surrounded by her sweet smell was enough to drive her wild. Slowly he pushed her down onto the bed still kissing her he moved down her neck and pushed her top out of the way and nibbled her shoulders, then slowly lifted her top over her head.

"Wasn't there something else you wanted to talk about?" Lily said giggling.

"It can wait mama, it can wait"

Once she was lying naked on the bed Otis stood admiring her as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, it made her feel vulnerable lying completely naked in front of Otis fully dressed and it made Otis feel powerful she was there naked and vulnerable waiting for him.

"You teasing me Otis?" Lily giggled.

"Maybe mama what you gonna do about it?" Otis asked raising an eyebrow smirking at her just as he threw his shirt to the ground Lily grabbed him by his vest and pulled him down to her. He pulled his vest over his head, using all her strength she managed to get him on his back so she was on top as he undid his pants and pulled them off.

Lily moaned as she felt his bristles scrape her sensitive skin as he kissed her, he held her hands down hard above her, his hands wrapped round her wrists. She loved him being in control of her being powerless to his mercy; she had known something was wrong when she had flipped him round so she could be on top, his eyes went wide and his breathing went ragged like he was panicking.

"Babe?" She asked, he flipped her back round so he could gain control.

"Sorry mama, you, we, can't do that not, not yet" He stuttered.

"Sorry, I, I didn't know" Lily said worried.  
"It's s'aright mama, just let go huh, I'm Ok, just stop worrying for a while" Lily nodded and closed her eyes enjoying the feeling of him inside her. It felt so right to her she couldn't believe how he could touch her so delicately and tenderly but then also treat her so rough at the same time it was mind blowing.

A few hours later Baby walked into the bedroom to see how Otis was doing.

"Heard you two having fun earlier sounds like your getting better" Baby chuckled; Otis said nothing but just scowled.

"What happened to your beard Otis, huh your girlfriend not like the bushy beard or did you cut it off for better access?" Baby laughed mockingly.

"Fuck of baby" Otis growled, his cheeks going red from embarrassment.

"Aww have I made you embarrassed" Otis teased.

"I said fuck off baby" He hissed throwing a pillow at her, Baby giggled and dodged out of the way of the pillow.

"What's wrong Otis don't want to admit you like her?" Baby said seriously, Otis shrugged.

"Yeah, I, I guess so, it's just I like her and she likes me but..."

"You're scared she'll hurt you like your parents" Baby finished; she knew he had had a bad childhood but she didn't know the extent or it or that he had nightmares about it.

"Exactly"

"She won't hurt you Otis, she's good for you, everyone can see she cares about you so much, if you don't take a risk you'll only regret it" Fuck Otis thought to himself, since when had Baby been someone he went to for advice and since when did what she says make perfect sense. Otis nodded in agreement.

"Your right baby thanks" He now knew what he had to do.


	9. Chapter 9

It wasn't long before Otis was back on his feet, he was still a little bit stiff and a little bit sore but it was manageable. Otis knew what he had to do, he had to find a way to tell her how he felt, he wanted to take her somewhere special somewhere that meant a lot to him, somewhere quiet and secluded where he could be alone with her as he struggled to pore his heart out to her. He knew just the place, Lily had been so excited when he told her he wanted to take her out somewhere and spend the afternoon with her, he was normally so cautious and emotionally shy that for him to want to spend time with her was a huge deal she couldn't wait to spend the day with him and get to know him outside of being his career.

In the afternoon they jumped into a red convertible that he and R.J had been working on that they had stolen from a victim, it was a gorgeous car Lily was so excited to ride in it, it was such a beautiful warm sunny day a perfect day for a car like that. She hopped into the passenger seat beside him and smiled at him, Otis actually smiled back he was in a good mood and relieved to be up and about out of the confines of the bedroom, his smile warmed her heart it was such a rare treat to see. Lily felt like the most happiest and relaxed she could be as they cruised down the country roads, she stared at Otis his face serious as he concentrated on the road, the wind blowing through his long wavy dark blonde hair. She felt so special, so relieved and so blessed and grateful that Otis was spending time with her and that he was opening up to her.

"Hay Otis Ice creams coming up in ten miles" Lily hinted giving a cheeky smile. Otis rolled his eyes he would never know what it was with women and ice cream.

"Really you serious mama?" Otis moaned, god it was like having Baby in the car he thought to himself.

"Yes I want ice cream" Lily whined "Otis come on its ice cream" Otis rolled his eyes

"I swear to God mama if you say ice cream again I will crash this car" Otis threatened, causing Lily to giggle.  
"Otis... Ice cream" She said whispered cheekily grinning at him, Otis sighed.

"Alright mama we'll get the damn ice cream" He moaned giving into her demands causing Lily to cheer happily.

Otis stared out of his side window while Lily went into the ice cream shop to get herself an ice cream, she had offered and had been disappointed when he had turned down her offer she had tried to be nice but she tried not to take it personally, she guessed he just didn't like ice cream no matter how impossible that sounded to her everyone liked ice cream. Otis sat deep in thought he wondered what the hell was the big deal with ice cream, everyone seemed to love it especially the women, where as he hated the stuff.

 _Otis stared out of the living room window on his tenth birthday watching all the children play happily in the sun, he had expected to receive anything for his birthday which was just as well because that's exactly what he received, nothing! He watched the children intently jealous by their happiness as they played ballgames and imagination games with each other in a huge group of friends, he wasn't allowed to play with the neighbours children which was just as well because they would never play with him anyway they all thought he was weird. But the thing he envied the most was when they had all come back from the shop each one with an ice cream in their hands, each child looked so happy and seemed to be enjoyed the tasty treat so much he only wished that he could try it once just to see what it was like._

" _Mommy, why do I never get ice cream?" He had asked, his mother had scowled in anger at the question._

" _Because only children who are loved get Ice cream" His mother had spat hatefully._

" _But, but it's my birthday can't I have some ice cream please?" Otis had begged._

" _Why would I spend hard earned money on buying YOU an ice cream?" His mother hissed._

" _Please mommy please? I want ice cream; please can I have ice cream?" Otis begged over and over, his mothers face turned red with anger, how dare this ungrateful little shit have the nerve to ask her for anything? She didn't love him, didn't want him why would she give him ice cream?  
"The only ice cream I have is mine and I'm certainly not going to share it with you" Young Otis's bottom lip wobbled and he lowered his head and started to cry. All he had wanted was some ice cream for his birthday he didn't think it had been a lot to ask for. _

His thoughts were broken by the sound of the car door open and shut; he blinked his eyes quickly as he was brought back into the present day real world. Lily could see that he had been distracted and lost in thought.

"You Ok Otis?" Lily had asked worried, tenderly placing a hand on his knee, he had jumped and flinched at her touch still feeling like he was back there with his mother but when he turned round and saw her he felt instantly comforted and safe.

"Yeah mama I'm fine" He said trying to smile but she could see the frown he was trying to conceal on his face but she knew better then to push him, she had been looking forward to today it was so sunny and bright and spending the day she knew it would be a great day, she knew pushing him to tell her what was really wrong would only spoil it.

"You sure you don't want to try some? It's delicious" Lily said putting the ice cream under his nose, Otis shook his head just seeing that sickly sweet treat under his nose made him want to gag. There was a sudden bump in the road causing the ice cream to collide with his nose, Otis heaved and frantically wiped the ice cream from his face, Lily giggled at him when she saw the ice cream on his nose but then thought she might have embarrassed him when she saw him quickly wipe it off. Otis then stared straight ahead, silent looking at the road.

 _Otis's mother went red with rage as she saw her ungrateful snivelling child crying before her, tears and snot running down his face, his mother sighed with frustration the crying testing her patients.  
"FINE!" His mother yelled causing him to flinch, "You want ice cream I'll give you ice cream" Steaming with anger she grabbed her child by the arm and flung him into one of the kitchen dining chairs before going into the freezer and pulling out a family sized tub of ice cream. Otis's eyes went wide with wonder and the huge size of the tasty treat, he felt happy and relieved that he was receiving that he had asked for but also terrified of his moms anger. _

His flashback was abruptly broken by the sound of a loud car horn blaring at him as Otis had pulled out in front of the car instead of giving way. Lily had gasped nervously as she was flung to the side as Otis quickly swerved to avoid the car hitting them. Otis broke hard and pulled over suddenly at the side of the road, Lily was breathing hard with fear eyes wide from their near death experience. She turned to look at Otis his knuckles had turned white gripping the steering wheel, his face like thunder.

"Otis, are you alright?" Lily asked softly placing a hand on his knee, just feeling her touch made his face soften and his grip on the steering wheel loosen.

"Yeah, I'm alright mama" He said not looking at her.  
"You're a terrible liar you know that?"

"Only to you mama" Lily rubbed his leg soothingly.

"Tell me what's wrong Otis" He shook his head in reply.  
"Not today mama"

"I'm always here for you Otis you know that" Otis nodded.

"I know mama, just not today I want to have a day out with you and I don't want to spoil it"

"Ok Otis I don't want to push you" She said smiling.

"I will tell you mama just not now, not today"

The sun was high in the sky as Otis pulled into a clearing, Lily gasped at the beauty of the place, beautiful trees and greenery edged the clearing and it stretched onto a crystal clear lake.

"Wow Otis this is beautiful" She gasped as they sat on the blanket on the ground she had brought sipping Mother Fireflies homemade lemonade.

"Yeah it is, this was my thinking/ hideaway spot when I first came to the firefly family and I used to come here a lot"

"It's beautiful"

"I've never taken anyone here except you mama; this was my personal hideaway from the rest of the world"

"I'm glad you showed me Otis it means a lot" Lily said grinning reaching up and kissing him on the cheek, Otis coughed with nervousness and embarrassment.

"Look mama, I'm not very good at this, but the reason I took you here today is that, well, you mean a lot to me and I, I care about you, I want us to be...more" Otis stuttered, damn his embarrassment and nervousness, he had sounded so much more confident and it had sounded so much better when he had rehearsed it in his head. But he was scared he had never opened up that much to anyone, never let himself care about anyone, he was scared of being hurt again but for her he was willing to take the risk.

"Me too Otis me too" Lily confessed grinning, Otis smiled with relief as he realised she felt the same as he did. Otis's hand snaked round the back of her head and pulled her to him, claimed her lips passionately before pushing her back onto the blanket.

 _A young Otis sat in the chair snivelling with snot and tears running down his face as his mother grabbed him by his short hair and pulling his head back shoving a huge spoonful of ice cream into his mouth, he heaved and gagged as more was forced into his mouth before he had had chance to swallow the second mouthful. He tried to keep his mouth closed but that only resulted in ice cream being smeared round his mouth and nose._

" _Be sick ya little bastard and you can eat it all again, you wanted ice cream that's what you've got" His mother spat hatefully at the hysterically crying child. Otis's stomach hurt and the huge amount of ice cream being forced down into it and his head pounded with brain freeze, his mother didn't care if he tried to keep his mouth closed his mother held his nose until he had to open his mouth to breath then another huge spoonful of freezing cold sickly ice cream was shoved into his out of breath heaving mouth. Otis's face turned red and hot with the hysterical crying and he tried his hardest not to be sick, he refused to give his mother the satisfaction of that. Once he had finished demolishing the family sixed gallon of ice cream his mother pushed his head roughly forward as she released his hair._

" _Get out of my sight you ungrateful little shit, I gave you ice cream and still all you do it cry" She hissed as Otis got up out of the chair arms wrapped around his churning painful stomach.  
"I hope you liked you ice cream because from now on there is no fucking ice cream in your fucking future" His mother shouted at him at him as Otis ran upstairs. _

_Otis had never felt so much pain from his stomach, he'd had pain before from punches, kicks and general abuse but nothing from inside him before, his stomach heaved and churned with the freezing cold ice cream. A young Otis laid on the bathroom floor curled up in a ball feeling so sick to his stomach as he sobbed hysterically, but eventually his stomach could not handle the huge amount of frozen stuff anymore, he quickly crawled to the toilet and violently threw up the ice cream. Again and again he was sick the cold stuff hurt the inside of his throat as it exited, just the smell of it and the taste of the ice cream as it brushed his tongue on the way out made him want to be sick again. Hot tears ran down his face as he realised he would never touch ice cream again._

Otis bolted up right in bed sweating and breathing heavily "Fuck!" He hissed to himself hitting his mattress with one fist. He let out one long deep breath trying to calm himself down, he wished Lily had been there beside him just seeing her instantly calmed him but she was still keeping away at night like he had asked her to, his heart pounded in his chest.

"Fuck calm down it was just fucking ice cream goddammit" He growled frustrated with himself for being so affected with his nightmares.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door the sudden noise breaking the silence had made him jump. Slowly the bedroom door opened and Lily popped her head through and went to switch on the light.

"Don't turn on the light" He said suddenly, he didn't want her to see what a wreck he was, how crap he looked and how much his nightmare had affected him.

"Otis are you alright?" Lily asked softly "I know you told me to stay away but it sounded so awful, I couldn't stay away this time"

"It's alright mama you can come in" He said, slowly she opened the door and walked in. "Actually I'm glad you came mama" Lily sat on the bed next to him.  
"You are?" Lily said sounding surprised, Otis nodded.

"I need you mama, just seeing you when I have my flashbacks, you instantly make me feel calm and safe, I need you mama when the nightmares come, I, I want you here" He stuttered hating to admit it to her.

"Well I'm here now Otis and you're safe, you want me to stay?" Lily asked, he nodded, she climbed into bed with him and he rested his head on her chest. Hearing the steady beat of her heart instantly made him feel calm and not so scared he felt like he could finally tell her.

With his head on her chest he gave a detailed explanation of why he had freaked out while driving, what his deal was with ice cream and what his nightmare had been about. He felt safe enough in her arms to be able to tell her and he trusted her to keep it a secret. Lily had listened intently to his story it made her feel so sick that someone could abuse the gorgeous little boy that grew up to be Otis, he certainly hadn't deserved to be treated like that and the fact that he had survived it just made her love him even more.


	10. Chapter 10

Lily was awoken early in the morning by the chirping of birds, she yawned and stretched expecting to curl up into Otis but the bed was empty. She frowned to herself wondering where he had gone, she sat up and went to go and find him. Slowly Lily walked into the bathroom it was full of steam and she could hear the shower running, Otis was out of tune singing to himself which she thought was very bizarre for him but he hadn't noticed she was there. Slowly she removed what very little clothing she had one and climbed into the shower Otis's back was towards her, he eyes scanned his muscular back her eyes went wide as they scanned the various scars that ran across it, he had suffered so much what exactly remained unclear but she knew he had experienced a lot of pain, but despite these scars his back was gorgeous, lightly tanned and muscular she grew hot just looking at him. Slowly her hand snaked round his weight and cupped his groin. She jumped back as Otis cried out in fear and spun round eyes wide ready to strike her.

Otis stood there terrified eyes wide and breathing heavy.

"Hay, hay Otis it's just me" She said soothingly unsure what was happening.

"Lily?" He frowned once his skin that he had jumped out off had come back down from the ceiling.  
"Sorry did I make you jump"

"It's alright ain't nothing but nothing" He shrugged turning round and lifting his head so the cascade of water fell on his face.

"You're a terrible liar do you know that, you looked like a rabbit caught in car headlights" Otis sighed as he realised he'd been caught out.

"It's nothing mama"

"Don't lie to me Otis tell me I'm here for you" Lily said smiling.  
"I really hate you for that sometimes, I hate that you can see right through me, alright mama you got me, you just you can't do that alright, grab me from behind I mean" He confessed.

"Why can't I? Oh my God Otis was you... were you" She gasped.

"Please don't finish that sentence" Otis pleaded, his face grimacing he didn't want to hear it.

"Oh I'm so sorry Otis if, if I'd known I never would have..." She said feeling full of remorse as she gathered Otis's went necked body into her arms holding him against her.  
"I don't need no pity party mama" He growled pushing her away.

"No I no it's just, I'm sorry that happened to you" Otis shrugged like it was no big deal "Go on Lily leave, I'm guessing that's what you're going to do, now you've found out how fucking damaged I am" He said casually like he wouldn't be bothered if she left.

"What, no Otis, no I'd never leave you for your past if anything it makes me like you more because you came through it, you're a survivor Otis" Otis sighed, he actually believed what she was telling him.

Lily felt angry as she stared at the floor, so fucking angry she felt like she could smash a hole through the tiled shower, she wanted to break everything she could get her hands on. Lily felt so furious that someone could do that to a vulnerable sweet innocent little boy. She could almost picture him a small, weak vulnerable innocent little child with blonde hair and big blue eyes it made her want to sob knowing that Otis had suffered that for so long.

Lily looked up at Otis her eyes dancing over his wet naked body taking in all the details, his muscular arms and broad shoulders, his flat stomach now with a fresh scar adding to his collection and all the parts below he truly was a gorgeous sight to gaze upon.

"Like what you see mama?" He asked giving a flirtatious Otis grin at her, Lily blushed red as she knew she'd been caught; she bit her bottom lip and nodded.

"You look mighty hot standing there mama, why don't you come over here and give me some sugar?" Slowly little walked up to him under the shower head and lifted her head up to meet his lips. He held her close and a hand snaked into her hair holding her head still as he pushed his lips firmly against hers, she moaned a little under her breath as he pulled lightly on her hair.

God those noises, those noises she made were enough to drive Otis wild, it could make him empty his soul out to her, tell her his deepest darkest secrets just to hear those noises again. Somehow they managed to manoeuvre themselves to his bed still being entangled in each other without falling over, Lily laid there on the bed damp, naked and vulnerable as Otis devoured her, sex with Otis was something completely different she had never experienced anything like it, it was powerful, passionate and wild she loved to submit to him, she loved to give Otis control over her. She didn't think she would ever get tired of the way Otis fucked her.

Lily and Otis lay tangled between the orange sheets and each other's nakedness; Lily sighed happily and nuzzled his naked chest.

"Love you Otis" She mumbled sleepily nuzzling him. Otis's eyes went wide and a red fog of anger flooded over him.

"Don't say that shit unless you mean it" He growled as he got out of bed and pulled on some trousers.

"Say what that I love you?" Sounded confused, Otis nodded.

"That shits serious don't say it unless you really mean it" He growled.

"But I do mean it Otis, I do love you" Otis's heart beat hard in his chest as her heard her say it.

"No one can love me mama" He hissed as he left the bedroom slamming the door behind him. Lily sighed frustrated with herself and with Otis why couldn't he just accept that he was capable of being loved?

Otis sat outside on the door curb of the house his mind was whirling with thoughts; some of it was anger, anger at Lily for throwing that word around so carelessly. Did she not know how long he had wanted to be loved? But also he had a thought that maybe just maybe she meant it, but he knew that was impossible he had been told often enough that he was incapable of being loved, that he was unlovable and now just then she had thrown that word at him. His thoughts were disrupted by Baby opening the door and sitting next to him she could tell something was wrong with her big brother.

"What's up Otis?" She asked and Otis shrugged his shoulders.

"Nothing" He mumbled Baby raised an eye brow and said.  
"Don't lie to me Otis, this isn't like you" Otis sighed knowing that he had been caught out.

"Lily, she, she said she loved me" Otis growled.

"Well... maybe she does love you"

"That's impossible" Otis said frowning.

"Look Otis I know you think your unlovable God knows your parents told you often enough"

"I am unlovable; no one could ever love someone like me"

"But you are loved Otis, people love you, your family loves you, you may not believe that you are capable of being loved but you are and maybe Lily loves you too" She said putting a hand on his shoulder.

"You think?" He asked raising an eyebrow at her.

"I don't think Otis, I know your family loves you very much why else would we put up with your moaning moping grizzly ass" Baby said smirking. "And if we can love you Otis that means you are lovable, if we can love you why can't Lily?" It was almost as if a light bulb had been switched on inside his brain, Baby had explained it all so clearly to him maybe Lily did love him after all.


	11. Chapter 11

Otis walked slowly to Lily's bedroom trying to think of what to say and to dare he say it? Apologise. She had poured her heart out to him expressing how she truly felt about him, saying the words he had always longed to hear ever since he was little and yet again he did what he did best and reacted with anger and caution. He didn't even get to her bedroom door when the commotion started from outside all he could hear was shouting and arguing, he could hear mother Fireflies nasty, vicious, high pitched and protective voice screeching from outside, he grabbed his knife out from his belt instantly knowing something was wrong and hurried down the stairs outside to see what was happening.

Lily was sat on the bright orange sheets of Otis's bed her tears had run dry she had cried for too long and now there was nothing left. She had told Otis she loved him and all he had done was shout at her and show aggression the two things he was best at, she should have known better but she had taken a chance hoping that he felt the same. He had told her he wanted more so she was confused and upset by Otis's' reaction to the word 'love' He must have longed to be loved for so long based on what little he had told her about his childhood she thought he would have been pleased with the announcement, maybe she had been wrong about that too? Her thoughts were suddenly disrupted by the sound of swearing and shouting coming from outside she rushed to the window and saw baby, mother firefly, R.J, Otis and two men shouting at each other. She frowned to herself wondering what was happening, Otis had his knife in his hand, baby and R.J with a rifle.

She ran downstairs as fast as she could, wanting to know what was happening and what was with all the weapons.

"What's happening, what's going on?" She panted out of breath concerned as she met up with the others looking from her family to the two middle aged men.  
"Get back inside mama" Otis growled at her.

"Otis tell me what's happening" She said ignoring Otis's orders, she sounded concerned.

"Just family business mama, get back inside where your safe" His frowned at her, God dammit why did she never listen to him he thought to himself.  
"Family business? Who's family ours or yours?" She was so confused she could tell Otis was scared even though he was trying his best to hide it behind the vicious anger he was showing.  
"Mine" He snarled turning towards the armed middle aged men.

"I, I didn't think you had any family" Lily said confused.

"I don't"  
"So who are these guys?" She pleaded, dammit why couldn't Otis ever give her a straight answer?

"We're his 'uncles' we brought his scrawny ass just before he killed his daddy ain't that right?" One of the men said looking at Otis.  
"And we told you you're not taking him" Mother Firefly snapped back.  
"I, I don't understand" Lily stuttered, the men laughed at her.  
"Look your pretty boy was used as a human sex doll by his daddy when he was little, his daddy had large gambling debts his dad sold him to us" One of the men explained, all of the family gasped in disgust and turned towards Otis, all the blood ran from Otis's face as he realised the family now knew his darkest secret.

"Yeah he slipped away from us but now we've found him and we've come to collect our payment" The other man said arrogantly.  
"And we said you're not having him mother fucker!" Baby shouted.

Lily couldn't help but stare at Otis he looked like he was going to be sick, he looked like his whole world had come crashing down all she wanted to do was take Otis into her arms and hold him close and tell him everything would be alright.

"Look we're gonna take him, the amount of experience he's had being fucked he's worth a bunch so we're gonna take him the easy way or some of you fuckers are gonna die" One of the men said pulling a knife out of his belt. The firefly family turned their attentions of the one with the knife leaving the other man unmarked, the man grabbed his knife and charged towards Otis, the firefly family fired their weapons at him. But the unmarked man leapt toward Otis with a knife while his partner was being mowed down by the family, Lily was the only one who saw this and leapt in to intervene.

Otis had blanked out, his mind plagued with memories of when he had suffered at the hands of his father, he had obeyed he had been good and let it happen, he always begged his dad to stop but he had never fought back he had known fighting would be hopeless. Lily could see he was distracted he hadn't noticed the man launching towards him with a knife and Lily stepped in, she didn't even have to think about what she was doing when she ran in front of Otis to protect him from the plunge of the knife and she hadn't realised what she had done until she felt the agonising pain of the knife sliding into her. The man gave an evil laugh.

"Nice one faggot freak you have to get your fucking Mrs to fight your battles for you and protect you" He laughed as Lily slowly sunk to the floor.

Hearing Lily cry out in pain brought him back to the real world he saw the man staring at Lily in the arms, Lily's hands clasped tightly around what bit of the knife remained out of her body and she slowly sank to the floor. Range over took Otis, No he couldn't let this happen, he couldn't let that man take one of the few good things in his life, that man had hurt her and it made him blind with range. Otis charged at the man while was cackling watching Lily groan in pain and bleed and knocking him to the ground, Otis over powered the man and started hacking through the man's throat it took all his muscles to sever the bones and tough sinews, he lifted the head up and threw it hard as he yelled out in anger.

His face red and sweating, breathing hard with anger he got up and rushed towards Lily who lay bleeding on the ground clutching the knife wound.

"Otis" She whispered smiling at him.

"Hay mama"

"Are you? Are you hurt?" She asked and Otis shook her head and took his flannel shirt off.

"Good, man that fucking hurts" She hissed as Otis pressed his t-shirt hard against her wound.

"You're gonna be ok mama" He said his face stern and serious, slowly Lily closed her eyes.  
"Come on mama, don't fall asleep on me ok, don't you dare die on me" He hissed as he lifted her up in his strong arms "Get Hugo now!" Otis yelled as he carried her upstairs to his room.  
"Come on mama, you're gonna be fine, don't you leave me mama, don't you dare leave me I can't face them without you" He whispered as he laid her on the bed and wiped a stand of hair away from her face.

Otis paced outside as Hugo worked on Lily, his head was a mess when he had seen Lily so badly hurt he had thought his heart would break, and she had said she loved him, is that what he was feeling? He wasn't sure he loved his family but this was something different, it felt like he would do anything for her and the thought of her not being there anymore terrified him. He needed her to be by his side when the questions started about his childhood and he needed her there to help him fight the nightmares but more than anything he just needed her very existence just to feel like he wasn't so alone that he was just a little but human that was capable of being loved.  
"She's stable, she's going to be ok" Hugo said breaking his train of thought.  
"Really?" He asked happily for once showing a huge smile and Hugo nodded.

"Can I..." He asked moving his head to the door; Hugo nodded and smiled happy to see that Otis for once actually cared about something.

Otis sat on the bed next to her and gently stroked her hair, she looked to peaceful lying there like an angel. Slowly her eyes flickered open she tried to move and groaned.

"Ah feels like someone stabbed me" She groaned.  
"They did" He dead-panned, Lily gave a small chuckle and looked up at Otis; his face was frowning with concern.

"How you feeling mama?" He asked worried.

"How did you feel when that woman stabbed you?" Lily asked back, Otis flinched.

"Point taken" Lily chuckled, she was so glad he was ok and so happy that he still had his personality.

"I'm glad you're ok" Lily said smiling.  
"I'm glad you're ok even if you are a brain dead stupid bitch, what the hell did you think you were doing mama? You could have been killed" He scolded.  
"If you want me to apologise I won't, I was protecting my Otis"

"Your Otis huh?" He chuckled raising an eyebrow at her.  
"Yes MY Otis"

"Well... you saved my ass today and for that I should thank you even if you are a fucking idiot for doing it" He grinned.  
"I told you Otis, I love you I wouldn't have done it if I didn't, I love you and I didn't want them to hurt you"

"Hmm maybe you do love me huh? I mean you saved my life" He mumbled.  
"Yes I do Otis, the sooner you believe you're capable of love the better"

"Mmm I do like you saying it though" Lily laughed.  
"Then I love you Otis B Driftwood, I love you so much"

"Yeah well maybe that makes you a stupid idiot too" He grinned at her causing them both to laugh.


	12. Chapter 12

"How you feeling mama?" Otis asked the next day as he brought her up some tea; Mother Firefly always brought him up tea when he was injured or sick so he gathered it must help somehow. The truth was Otis didn't have much experience with caring for people he only copied what people had done to him, he had never thought of himself as a caring person, people had shown him nothing but hurt and hatred so that was how he treated everyone else he had come across, except the Firefly family they had shown him more love and kindness than he had ever wished for and he had made sure he treated them exactly the same. Once you earned Otis's trust, love and respect it was for life, it was unbreakable he was loyal to the end. But now he had this wounded little dear to take care of, he wasn't sure how to do that, he just guessed he would do the same as what everyone in the family had done for him but despite his caring experience he had taken it upon himself to be his responsibility, she had looked after him when he was injured it was only fair that he did the same. The truth was he thought that it was his fault she had gotten hurt, he had been distracted and taken his eye off the ball so it had been up to Lily to protect him and because of that he would take care of her and make it up to her.

"Like I've been hit by a train" She groaned sitting up and taking the tea off him.

"A train really mama, Exaggeration much?" He chuckled at her, he stopped dead from laughing when she glared at her, if looks could kill Otis would be instantly where he sat.

"Alright mama, alright, alright, a train might be accurate" He said raising both his hands in the air in submission, grinning at her.

God that grin it made her heart want to burst every time she saw it, the way it caused little wrinkles at the sides of his eyes, the way the chubby cheeks bunched up and the dimples that always appeared. Lily loved how she could now make him smile, she loved how she was one of the few people who could make him smile it was a lovely sight to see it made her heart skip just looking at his happy face, God knows he needed some happiness in his life.

"Mmmm" She said appreciatively sipping the warm goodness.

"Mother Firefly always gave me tea when I was being looked after, thought I'd do the same"

"Thank you" Lily said smiling at him; Otis shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal.

"Still can't believe you did that, you need your brains testing, were you trying to get yourself killed" He scolded frowning at her.

"I told you Otis, I love you you stupid man people do stupid things when they're in love"

"Then you must be crazy in love as that was surely the most stupid ass thing I've ever seen" Otis continued to tell her off.

"Can't you just be appreciative?" She sighed.

"Look mama If you do something fucking dangerous I'm gonna tell you off mama because I don't want you to get hurt and I don't wanna loose you, I'm fucking telling you off for you getting yourself in this situation, so if you wanna call me grumpy, moany or gruff I don't care but don't you dare call me fucking unappreciative because that's one thing I'm not, no one has ever risked their life for me you don't know what that fucking means to me" He ranted his face turned red and flushed, he was angry that she had dared to come to the conclusion that he didn't appreciate what she had done for him it meant more than anything.

"I'm sorry" She said lowering her head in embarrassment for her comment, it had hurt him and pissed him off.

"No I'm the one who's sorry, I'm the one who messed up it's my fault you got hurt, I'm so fucked up and you got hurt because of it I should have protected you" Otis lifted her head up with a finger under her chin and looked at her, her eyes danced from left to right looking into his eyes.

"Don't say that Otis, it's not your fault I would do it again, we protect each other it's what families do" She said smiling.

"Thank you mama, thank you for everything, not just for taking a hit for me but for everything you've done since you came here, it means a lot" He said his face stern and serious, she knew he meant every word, Lily's eyes lit up and grinned widely at him and put a hand on his cheek.

"It's Ok Otis anytime" She ran a thumb across his short beard. "I wish your beard was long again I like it better that way" Otis scowled.

"It still would be if someone hadn't messed it up" He said dead pan.

"Hmmm I wonder who that could have been" She said jokingly her tongue in between her teeth.

"Dammit mama don't stick that tongue out at me I won't be responsible for what I do to you" He said running a hand over his hair, Lily chuckled.

"Why Otis what are you going to do?" She said biting her bottom lip.

"Punish you for fucking up my beard will be the first thing I do" He grinned, Lily squirmed under the covers at his dirty words.

"Then do it" She whispered inches away from his lips, Otis shook his head.

"Not yet mama your hurtin'" Lily threw her head back and groaned, that wasn't fair how dare he tease her like that, get her all hot then tell her she'd have to wait till she healed.

"Fuckin' tease" She mumbled leaning back folding her arms, Otis laughed.  
"Yep you wouldn't want me any other way"

"Come on cactus beard I know you can be gentle" She teased, grinning mockingly.

"Me gentle never!" Otis said faking surprise and outrage.

"Otis, Otis wonky ass cactus beard Otis" She sang childishly like baby does sometimes taking the piss out of how short his bristles were, like cactus spines. Otis frowned and scowled at her.  
"I'll give you fucking cactus beard" He growled before lurching forward and pressing his lips hard against hers.

His sudden hard passionate kiss took her breath away she hadn't expected it, it was a pissed off punishing her for mocking him kind of kiss and she loved it, she was breathing hard and out of breath when he realised her lips.

"I better make a mental note to mock you more often" She grinned.

"You'll be sorry" He said raising an eyebrow at her.

"Fuck me" She whispered in his ear, Otis shook his head.

"Not yet mama you need to heal first"

"I could go on top" Lily suggested, Otis's eyes went wide and he quickly shook his head.  
"I, I need to be in control I, I can't let you be on top" He explained, Lily sighed and ran a hand through his hair and stroked his face.

"Trust me Otis, Trust me you'll enjoy it, I promise nothing bad will happen to you" Otis's heart beat hard, he had never let anyone have that kind of power over him, he had never let anyone else be in control he always had to be in control and yet somehow he trusted Lily she had risked her life for him and he knew that she would never do anything to hurt him on purpose. Slowly Otis nodded his head.

"Alright mama, alright"

"I promise if you want me to stop I'll stop, it's just God Otis I just need you, want you so much right now". She said as he laid down and slowly she eased herself on top of him, she felt a bit stiff and a bit sore but it was manageable.

"'Cus I'm that irresistible huh mama?" He said sarcastically.

"Yes you are you silly man and the sooner you realise it the better"

"You're crazy mama" He chuckled.

Lily had to start slowly at first, the pain was manageable but it still hurt, Otis's eyes went wide and his breathing went irregular.  
"Shhh it's alright Otis, it's just me, I'm not going to hurt you" She soothed stroking his hair, Pretty soon they were that consumed by pleasure that they forgot their problems, Lily had forgotten her pain as her pleasures heightened and Otis closed his eyes in ecstasy enjoying the feelings that she gave him that he had forgotten about his lack of control.

Afterwards Otis and Lily carefully held each other on top of the orange bed sheets breathing heavily.

"That was good" Otis said out of breath.

"It was" She gasped back.  
"See told you I'd show you fucking cactus beard" Lily laughed at his comment.  
"Yeah well you're my cactus beard" She said kissing his jaw line.

"I, I've never let anyone do that" Otis said.

"That's because you trust me" Lily replayed "Or at least I hope you do"

"I do mama I do" There was a long silence after that "I, I think I, I love you too mama" Lily's heart skipped a beat at his admission.

"You, you do?" Lily asked and Otis nodded his head.

"I, I can't describe it but it feels like what I imaged love would be like, it's like an urge to protect because you can't imagine life without them but you never want to find out what it's like without them"

"Yep welcome to love Otis, Love you handsome" She grinned kissing his cheek, Otis chuckled.

"Handsome? You really are crazy"  
"And so are you, that's why we're so right for each other" Lily said snuggling into his chest.  
"Love you Otis" She sighed sleepily.  
"Love you too mama" He replied holding her close, all he knew was he never wanted to let her go, that he never wanted to live life without her again he would protect and love her always.


	13. Chapter 13

**Putting a warning up for readers this contains graphic flashbacks of abuse and could be triggering for some readers so skip if this could affect you. I've rated the story an M anyway but a warning on a particularly bad chapter can never hurt.**

Otis dreading when the time would come when his family would start asking questions about his childhood and about the 'uncles', he had done such a good job at concealing it making sure they would never find out. That was one thing he hated about Lily there was something about her that made him open his mouth and spill everything whenever she asked, being a survivor too she had instantly known he was struggling inside and he couldn't hide it from her, her survivors gut instinct knew and it saw right through him. But now as they all sat in the room quizzing him he wished that the world would just swallow him whole, he just wanted to curl up into a little ball and disappear. Lily sat next to him with her hand on his leg for support she was in a lot of pain but she refused to let him go through this ordeal on his own. She could feel him shake with nerves and humiliation as he knew the questions were coming.

"Tell us what happened baby its ok you can trust us" Mother Firefly prompted. "I know it's going to be hard but we're not going to judge you"

"Yeah nothing you say can makes us change how we feel about you, you're my big brother Otis and we love you" Baby said encouragingly, Otis swallowed hard and looked at Lily for support.  
"It's ok Otis we're here for you your family's just worried about you that's all" Lily said smiling.

Otis's tapped his knee up and down repetitively as he explained what happened to him trying to go into as less detail as possible.

"My mom and dad abused me badly, with mom it was just physical but with dad it was worse, when he couldn't get what he wanted with mom he'd do it with me, then he amounted large amounts of gambling debts and started 'renting' me out to the 'uncles' to pay off his debts. I don't know what was worse being r..r.."

"Raped" Lily whispered knowing that he hated saying the word, it was bad enough hearing someone say it let alone saying it himself, somehow him saying it made it sound more real that it actually happened. Otis nodded slowly.

"Whether it was worse dad doing... that or some complete strangers"

"Oh my poor baby" Mother Firefly sobbed going over to him and hugging him tightly. "I'm so sorry that happened to you" She said kissing the top of his head.

"Why didn't you tell us Otis, you could have told us we wouldn't have loved you any less" Baby said, Otis shook his head.

"I, I couldn't I was too ashamed" He said lowering his head.  
"Otis we would have loved you no matter what we will always love you" Mother Firefly sobbed, tears running down her face as she held Otis's head in her hands. She was one of the very few people Otis let manhandle him that way. Mother Firefly loved to mollycoddle and mother her babies and Otis found it easier to let her.

"See I told you it would be ok" Lily soothed.

"You have no idea how much I hate myself over this" Otis mumbled to her, Lily gave her a look, a serious frowning look one completely disagreed with that he just said.

"Alright mama, alright I'm sorry maybe you do but it's different for men it's just so fuck just so fucking humiliating" He fumed sighing deeply. This upset Lily it made her angry what the fuck was he implying? Wasn't a woman getting raped humiliating? Was somehow a man getting raped worse than a woman? She stayed silent fuming inside ready for when they were on their own to get her emotions out.

"I'm glad you told us baby" Mother Firefly said kissing his forehead before standing up to go to the kitchen to start tea.

Lily waiting till they were alone in the bedroom she was still fuming and boiling up with anger inside.

"What's up mama?" Otis asked frowning, noticing Lily's angry look of death.

"What the fuck was that downstairs?" Otis frowned confused at what she meant "Don't play innocent with me Otis what the fuck was that comment about rape being different for woman? What we playing some kind of competition now?"

"I, I lily I don't want to talk about this right now alright I've just had to spill my guts down there"

"I know Otis you did really well telling them but right now I'm pissed off at what you said, what your rape worse than mine now is it? Cus that it sounds like" She fumed.

"I didn't mean it like that it's just different that's all" He said he really didn't want to go into gory details with her.

 _Otis lay on his stomach tied to the bedposts naked as his dad talked money over the cost to the 'uncles' they wanted to try before they buy. Otis sobbed loudly and hysterically pulling at the binds, tears streaming down his face. One of the uncles grabbed him by his long hair and pulled his head back for him to look at._

" _Good condition, good set of teeth looks just like a girl with this hair just how I like them" He commented, Otis sobbed as the man looked at him. "Whines like a little bitch too" The man chuckled "Ha you got nothin' to cry about wait until I get started then you got something to cry about"_

Otis zoned out for a while but then reality came back to him he could see that Lily was not impressed at all, God he didn't need this not when he had just told his family, he didn't need her to be mad at him it was all too much too soon, but he knew she had every right to be.

"Otis tell me why it's different because right now I want to smash your face it, give me something to make me understand what you mean or I swear to God I walk out this door right now" Lily threatened, Otis's heart skipped a beat, No please No God No he couldn't have her walk out on him, please don't walk out on him, he loved her please don't let another person he loved walk out on him, but he didn't want to go through all the gory graphic details with her surely that would make her walk out on him.

 _The 'Uncle' was right he would give him something to cry about, the pain was unbearable but something he was sadly used to but it never hurt any less. The man roughly grabbed hold of his hair as he took him from behind. That sickening wet slap noise of skin to skin that made him want to retch every time he heard it he cried hysterically and begged him to stop and retched every time a thrust happened. He could feel himself get hard, 'Oh God no, oh fuck no please no not again' He thought to himself, the assault he could deal with but the way his body reacted just made it a million times worse. He tried to hide it but the 'Uncle' was way more observant of his little play thing._

" _See you're enjoying it ain't you, you little bitch?" He grunted, Otis whimpered underneath the man's weight. "Yeah that's what I fucking thought, you want it don't you you whiney ass mother fucker?" Otis shook his head and whimpered this was followed by a brutal smack to the face._

" _You want it don't you!" The 'Uncle' yelled, Otis sobbed biting his bottom lip as he nodded his head._

" _Say you want it, ask me to fuck hard you and you better fucking say please" The uncle groaned he was enjoying himself so much, sweat started dripping on Otis's back, he retched trying not to vomit as he felt it on his naked back._

" _F, Fuck me hard p, please" He stuttered terrified, that's when a whole new set of pain set in, the pace quickened and the thrusts became harder Otis thought he might pass out with the pain._

Lily stared at Otis concerned as he stared into space, Otis blinked and came back to her he ran to the toilet and she heard him be violently sick in the loo, what had he remembered? She was still mad at him but she cared and loved him, slowly she walked over to him as he was knelt by the loo and rubbed his back slowly as he was painfully sick in the loo again and again. Otis was struggling with the affection part of her wanted to yell at her and tell her to get the fuck out, he didn't want her to see him like this but part of him liked her being there for him, to comfort her he hadn't had much comfort in his life and he loved her being there. He stopped being sick and sat on the floor leaning up against the wall.

"Don't leave me mama, I know I don't deserve you, I know I'm a disgusting worthless piece of shit but I love you mama and I can't do this without you" He begged, this made her heart break she was really struggling to stay mad at him.

"I just want to know Otis, why is your ordeal different from mine? Why are you making it sound like yours was more humiliating" She urged for answers "I don't want to leave you you silly man but I'm angry and you're not explaining" Otis sighed he knew he was going to have to tell her, he didn't want her to leave him.

 _Otis thought things couldn't get any worse at that moment, he could hear the man groaning, moaning and gasping in pleasure behind him but when he could feel pleasure building up in himself that was when it got worse, he closed his eyes and a whimpering moan escaped his lips as his hot white cum escaped. "Fuck not again, fuck no, I don't want this, I don't want any of this" He cursed to himself punching the mattress, the man laughed evilly.  
"See you did want it didn't you, you little slut" He turned to the others who were watching "Little whiney bitch came little a little school girl, see you want me to fuck you you little slut" Otis closed his eyes tightly and cursed himself calling him all the names under the sun, cursing his body for reacting like that, maybe he did want it? They told him often enough. But the warm cum filling him was enough to make him physically sick on the mattress; this caused him to receive a beating. The 'Uncles' were satisfied and that sealed Otis's fate until he finally escaped his parents. _

Lily looked at him with tears brimmed her eyes as she saw Otis come out of another flashback she put her hand on his cheek and rubbed it gently.  
"I, I came" He whispered "Every time it happened, I, I fucking came" He sobbed towards the end; Lily hugged him close to her stroking his hair as he broke down.  
"I, I'm so fucking ashamed, every time they fucked me, I, I fucking came, maybe, maybe I did want it" He chocked, Lily soothed him till he calmed down and stopped shaking in her arms.  
"Now you listen to me Otis" She said sternly

"But..."

"No, you listen to me Otis B Driftwood, you did not want this, it's not your fault and you shouldn't be ashamed this is just what happens sometimes"

"I, I didn't mean to make you mad" He chocked.  
"I'm not mad not anymore I wish you had told me straight or I wouldn't have got so mad"  
"I'm sorry I, I didn't want to tell you, I know I'm gross and disgusting I knew telling you would make you leave"

"It wouldn't have you silly man, I love you no matter what that makes me love you no less and we all love you I wish you would believe us" She stroked his hair gently as he had his head on her chest until he calmed down.

"I'm sorry for being such a mess" He said when he calmed down.  
"Hay Otis you're my mess, but you're not a mess you're strong and brave and I love you for it"

"Thank you mama"  
"You don't have to think me you stupid man" She chuckled "Come on let's off this bathroom floor huh? And no more feeling ashamed you have no reason to be ashamed right?" Otis nodded his head, God what had he done to deserve her? What had he done to earn the love of an amazing woman who was stood by him no matter what? Whatever it was he would do it all over again? If the universe had put him through all that abuse just so that he would receive Lily's love in the future if that was the worlds plan then he was glad it had happened and he would go through it all again just so he could keep her.


	14. Chapter 14

Otis had smashed the house up that day, he hated himself so much, he hated how haunted he was by his past, he hated himself for how he had reacted during the abuse and he was angry for what he had been through. Curtains rails had been pulling down, cupboards and doors had been punched through and furniture thrown, Lily stood in the corner letting Otis take his frustrations out, anything to make him feel better he had been through a lot today anything to get an emotional release.

"Fuck, shit, fuck I'm so fucking fed up of this fucking shit" He ranted going red faced working up a sweat as he reached down and pulled the curtains down, curtain rail as well he swept a strand of blonde hair out of his face. Lily stood silent he would ware himself out soon enough and he'd feel a lot better for it.

"So fucking fed up of feeling like a fucking bastard victim" He yelled picking up a chair and throwing it at the front door of the house.

"SO FUCKING FED UP OF THIS FUCKING SHIT!" He shouted at the top of his lungs.

Once he was done he sank to his knees on the floor exhausted and put his head in his hands. Slowly Lily walked up to her and knelt in front of him.

"You finished baby?" She soothed running a hand over his hair, slowly he looked up at her with wide almost tear brimmed eyes, his face was flushed and he'd worked up a thin sweat.

"Yeah, I'm done mama"

"Good, feel better?" She asked and Otis slowly nodded. "Good come on think it's time we got some rest don't you?" Otis nodded as she took his hand and stood up leading him to the bedroom.

"Come on we'll clean this mess up tomorrow"

In the evening Rufus and Cutter walked in the front door to see Mother Firefly, Cutter shoved the door open hard with his shoulder shoving the chair out the way that had been thrown in front of it and tripped over the crimpled up rug that was in front of the door and almost went flying flat on his face.  
"God dammit what the hell's been going on here?" Cutter cursed feeling like a right idiot tripping over in front of Rufus.

"Looks like someone robbed the joint" Rufus noted.

"Eve! Eve! You in here?" Cutter yelled worried about her praying that the cops hadn't raided the house and arrested her. Mother Firefly came out of the kitchen in an apron.

"What's wrong?" She asked like everything was perfectly normal like it didn't look like a bomb had gone off in the house.  
"What the hell's happened here?" Cutter asked.

"Otis had a bit of a meltdown he told us about his childhood, his daddy raped him Johnny, my baby boy was raped" She choked trying not to start crying again.

"God dammit I knew that boy was messed up for a reason" He said running a hand over his bold head.  
"Yeah he's been through a lot poor baby he's just struggling to deal with it, Otis and Lily's gonna sort this mess tomorrow"  
"I can help he could use the extra hand" Rufus offered kindly.

"That's very kind of you R.J thank you" She wondered what she had done to deserve such a lovely family and how she had ended up with such sweet kind boys.

Otis stood and held the ladder as Rufus stood on it and nailed the curtain rail back onto the wall.

"Jesus Otis when you're mad you really go like a bull in a china shop" Rufus commented chuckling.

"Fuck off" He hissed jokingly.

"Cutter was not impressed with what you did to the place but he seemed to understand when Mom told him why" Otis's heart stopped and his breath caught in his chest and his eyes went wide with fear.

"Fuck Cutter knows?" He growled and Rufus nodded.

"Yeah she told him about your daddy raping you" He said hitting the nail hard with the hammer even saying it made him want to snap someone's neck for hurting his brother. Fuck not him, fuck fuck not Cutter, fuck anyone but him he didn't want Cutter to know he never wanted Cutter to know. He wouldn't be able to ever look him in the eye again.

"Personally I don't know why anyone would want to have sex with your scrawny ass" Rufus chuckled trying to make light of the situation, to make everyone feel a tad less bad about it. If he ever faced a situation he didn't like he always tried to make a joke about it to make everyone feel better and make it easier to deal with. He was trying to make Otis feel more comfortable and less embarrassed by it.  
"What?" He growled, Lily instantly backed away she saw his iris's turn the same colour as his pupils pure black and she knew all hell was about to break loose.

"Well I mean you haven't got the nicest ass I've seen lanky ass piece of shit" He said chuckling not taking his eyes off the nail he just thought he was going to mess with him a bit try and make a joke out of the situation.

Otis suddenly pushed the ladder over knocking Rufus to the ground and leapt on top of him.  
"What the fuck man I was just joking with ya" Rufus said looking at Otis scowling at him with his fist raised to hit him.

"Do. You. See me. Fucking laughing" He growled as he hit his fist into Rufus, there was a scuffle on the ground as a fight broke out.

"Not fucking funny Rufus fucking bastard piece of shit" He snarled.

"Otis, Otis calm down break it up" Lily called trying to get them to stop.

"Otis for fuck sake I was just messing with ya" Rufus gasped out of breath as Otis had a hand on his neck ready to punch him with the other.

"Yeah well it's not a fucking funny" The fight eventually fizzled out and the two men lay on their backs out of breath staring at the ceiling.  
"I'm I'm sorry man, I, I was just training to lighten it up a bit make you feel a bit less bad about it 'tis all" Rufus gasped through blooded teeth.

"I'm sorry too man, just don't like people joking about it... sorry for betting your ass" He turned grinning at Rufus.  
"Hay you only won 'cus you caught me off guard"

"Yeah yeah sure if that's your excuse" Otis grinned half laughing.  
"You two boys done now?" Lily said laughing, Otis and Rufus looked at each other and both nodded. Otis got up and held his hand out to Rufus and helped him off the ground.

"Come on then R.J get up that fucking ladder, God it'll be Christmas before you hit that nail in" Otis chuckled slapping Rufus on the back.

"Fuck you Otis" Rufus said grinning as he picked the ladder up of the ground.

Otis started to pace in his bedroom as Lily was in the shower, his mind whirled and he began to feel sick to his stomach. Fuck Cutter knew, Fuck Cutter knew, part of him just wanted to drive his knife straight threw him to avoid the embarrassment of seeing Cutter face to face. 'Bet he's gonna take the piss' He thought to himself 'Everything about that Bastard is a fucking joke' He fumed to himself, 'He's gonna laugh at you' He thought 'He's gonna look at you and laugh at the fact that you were fucked like a little bitch' Even thinking that phrase to himself made him want to vomit just thinking of how many times he had been fucked made him want to end it there and then but he was a fighter and he refused to end it all just for the sake of that dumb ass fucking clown. But he did wonder how the hell he was going to be able to look Cutter in the air again.


	15. Chapter 15

Lily came out of the shower a towel wrapped around her body, she saw Otis pacing clearly looking distressed.

"You ok baby?" She asked walking up to him and putting her arms around his waist.

"Yeah, I'm alright mama" He said not sounding too convincing, Lily raised an eyebrow at him and he sighed knowing yet again that his lie had been caught out, she could read him like a book dammit.

"Alright mama, alright alright you got me" He said sighing; Lily looked up at him supporting kissing him lightly on the jaw.

"Cutter knows, mother firefly told cutter" Otis said sounding worried.

"She did?" Lily asked frowning and Otis nodded, Lily sighed and closed her eyes shaking her head, she knew Otis wanted as less people to know about his past as possible he had done so well concealing it from his family for years and now every man and his dog knew.

"Fucking bozo's gonna take the piss I know it" Otis growled clenching his fists; Lily reached up and moved a strand of hair out of his face.

"He'll be fine Otis I promise he's a good guy" Otis sighed he knew he couldn't argue with her about Cutter the sun shone out of Cutters arse as far as Lily was concerned, he was her saviour and he had helped him up the stairs when Otis had needed his help the most but there was something about that old man that he just didn't trust.

"Go and talk to him Otis I know you don't like him but maybe if you talk to him he might not be the monster you think he is" Lily said stroking Otis's cheek with her palm, Otis sighed.

"Someone always has to be the voice of reason and it's always you ain't it mama?" Otis said rolling his eyes, Lily giggled at him.

"Voice of reason is what I'm good at especially when you are involved you act out of blind instinct I sometimes wonder if you even have a sense of reason" Lily grinned kissing him on the lips, Otis gave a moaning groan in his throat.

"Keep doing that mama I'll show you some animal instinct" Otis growled pulling her closer to him; she looked up at him her hands flat against his firm chest.

"You look mighty fine in that towel mama, maybe I should make it law that you can't wear anything else" Lily slowly dropped the towel to the ground.

"Oops think I broke your law baby" She grinned flirtatiously and Otis gave an aroused growl of approval.

"You asked for it mama" He threatened picking up her naked body and throwing her over his shoulder and taking her to the bed dropping her on it. Lily giggled as she looked up at him standing over her fully dressed; she felt vulnerable but in a good way as Otis stood over her fully dressed powerful, dominant and in control of her naked vulnerability.

"Show me some animal instinct then baby" She flirted beckoning to him with her forefinger. Otis smirked and pulled his white vest top over his head and kicked off his pants and straddled her leaning down to nibble her neck, Lily moaned at the feeling she could feel Otis's arousal pressed against her as he went wild with desire.

"Hold that thought Otis; we'll pick this up after you've talked to Cutter"

"Dammit Lily!" He growled letting his head fall face first into the pillow beside her head and moaned still straddled over her.

"Sometimes I really hate you" A muffled voice said pressed into the pillow, Lily laughed.

"No you don't" She giggled.

"I do at the minute" He growled as he sat up and got off her "Fucking cock tease" He grumbled pulling his trousers on and walked out the bedroom mumbling under his breath, Lily howled with laughter at his little boy strop.

Otis mumbled and moaned under his breath as he walked down the road kicking a stone like a little school boy who had been told no.

"Fucking cock tease" He mumbled "Getting me all riled up then telling me to wait" Ranting under his breath "I'll show her what she put on hold make her regret the wait" Mumble, mumble, kicking the stone putting his hands in his pockets. "All just some scheme to make me talk to that Bozo" He didn't have a clue what he was going to say to Cutter, he didn't even want to talk to the old man in the first place, but Lily had him by the balls, Literally!

The little old shop door bell tinkled as Otis walked through Cutters museum door, fuck he thought to himself no going back now, Cutter turned round from behind the counter and realised that it was Otis.

"What you doing here boy?" Cutter asked, Otis very rarely came into the shop except for when he was delivering the new statues and exhibitions that he made.

"I, Lily wants me to talk to you about what happened with the 'Uncles' and that" Putting certainty into the fact that Lily wanted him to talk about it not him.

"Shit son we really need to talk about that?" Cutter asked.

"It's just, when you found me I'd just escaped the uncles that my father had sold me to they were a sex circle"

"Yeah, I thought something had messed you up pretty good" Otis frowned at Cutter.

"I knew you wouldn't be able to take this fucking seriously" Otis huffed.

"I am, I am it's just shit man to man talk really" Otis sighed shaking his head.

"There's no point talking to you Bozo I'm here because Lily asked me too, I was worried you would make it all a fucking joke and not take it seriously and I was right" Otis ranted causing Cutter to sigh and run a hand over his bold head.

"Look I'm sorry that shit happened to you alright" Otis gave one single nod and walked out that was about as good a result as he was ever going from a man who spent every day dressed as a clown.

Otis walked into the bedroom door and slammed the door behind him, Cutter hadn't taken the piss out of him and made jokes about it like he thought he would have which he was appreciative for but Cutter didn't have the ability for serious man to man talks, Otis thought it had just been a huge waste of time, time that he could have spent having sex with Lily.

"How'd it go baby?" Lily called from the bathroom; Otis sighed and sat on the edge of their bed.

"It was just a huge fucking waste of time" Otis growled.

"What why?" Lily called acted shocked.

"He's just not good with conversation bullshit; he said he was sorry it happened"

"Well what else were you expecting, what else did you want from him?" Lily asked.

"I don't I, I, I guess nothing I was just surprised he didn't take the piss out of me, I was expecting an argument and I didn't get one"

"Not everyone is as horrible as you think Otis, your just in a strop because I was right and everything didn't kick off like you wanted" Otis sighed he guessed she was right.

Suddenly Lily walked out of the bathroom wearing a red and black bra and underwear, her long hair loose and cascading down her chest, Otis's eyes went wide and he wolf whistled.

"God mama you look mighty fine" Otis said as she slowly walked up to him Lily smiled and blushed.

"Well I said we'd pick this up when you talked to Cutter" She said in a seductive voice as she sat on Otis's knee straddling him each leg on either side of his legs.

"Mmmmm hay sexy mama" He moaned appreciatively.

"Hay yourself handsome" She purred moving a stand of hair behind his ear and started to nibble it.

"Mmmmm worth it, so so worth it" Otis moaned.

"You haven't seen anything yet Otis, I'm going to show you some of my animal instincts" Lily purred flirtatiously a hand pushing into his chest knocking him backwards onto the bed onto his back.


	16. chapter 16

Otis had tried to keep his birthday a secret from Lily for a long as possible, Lily was an easily excitable girl and loved to make a big deal about everything. Too much attention made him feel comfortable growing up he had never recieved presents or had parties or recieved lots of positive attention so he didn't know how to react. How did you react when someone gave you a present? He had no idea and that made him feel uncomfortable, What if he reacted wrong and made people mad?

However secrets have a way of revealing themselves and no matter how much he tried to hide it or act ignorant to the fact that it was close Lily found out, unknown to Otis.

Lily wanted to do something really special for Otis, he had been so down recently and worrying that his family would think of him differently know they knew the truth about his childhood. She wanted to something to show Otis that even though they knew about his childhood his family still loved him and they didn't think of him any differently.

His family thought it was a great idea and decided to arrange a suprise for him. Mother Firefly said she would organise the food and Baby said she would organise the entertainment even Rufus agreed to take the job of inviting everyone.

With most of Otis's suprise party being taken care of Lily decided to browse the town lookin for an ideal present for him. Lily found the perfect present for him a recurve bowie knife with a deer antler handle which was carved into the figure of a wolf's head at the top. She knew that Otis would absolutely love it, it would be handy for when he went hunting and fishing aswell as being used with his victims.

Lily arranged with Baby a little suprise of her own during the entertainment. Mother Firefly had agreed on a outside family Barbecue with a live band.

Everything was arranged while Otis was locked away in his bedroom working on a statue, Lily went rushing up the stairs to see him when he got back, slowly she snuck up behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Happy birthday baby" She whispered in his ear.

"Dammit mama I was hoping you wouldn't find out" Lily gave a chuckle.

"I'm sneaky that way, think I wouldn't find out when it was my babies birthday?"

"No I guess not you're too good to me like that"

"That's because I love you" She said kissing him on the cheek "Quick hurry up and shower baby I have a suprise for you" She said smiling.

"Oh mama you know I don't like a fuss" He moaned but also appreciative she had put some effort in.

"Nonsense I'm allowed to make a fuss of my baby on his birthday"

"Alright, alright mama I'm going" Otis said conceding in defeat he knew there was no winning with her.

Otis came out wearing a pair of denim jeans, his white vest and a shirt over the top.

"There's my sexy man" She said walking up and kissing him. "Ready for your present?" She asked grinning.

"Oh mama you didn't have to..." Lily put her finger on his lips.

"Shh I love you and it's your birthday so I'm allowed to spoil you"

"You spoil me everyday mama just by being here"

"awww Otis" Lily blushes her heart about ready to burst at the romantic comment.

"Happy birthday baby" Lily said smiling handing him the wrapped gift and kissing him on the cheek.

He opened the present cooly trying to mask his excitement of recieving a present. His eyes went wide with amazement at the present he knew it most have cost a fortune.

"Oh mama you shouldn't have" He said smiling taking her face in his hands and kissing her on the lips.

"You like it?" She asked smiling, loving to see him so happy and spoilt.

"Like it? I love it mama thank you" He said grinning "You spoil me mama" Otis said pulling her close to him, Lily looked up at him and grinned.

"It's not over yet baby" Lily said grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the bedroom.

"Oh no mama what have you done?" He asked chuckling. He knew what Lily was like, he knew she had done something extravagant and special to show him how much she loved him. That was one of the things he loved about her, she always constantly showered him with love and affection, thinking up new ways to express her love for him, trying to convince him that he was worthy of being loved and was loved. God knows he hadn't recieved any love and affection growing up and it seemed that Lily was always trying to make up for the times he hadn't.

They walking outside and saw that Lily had organised a suprise family Barbecue with a live band that Baby knew.

"What do you think?" She asked grinning.

"Mama you sly devil you" Otis said grinning.

"Hehe must get it from my devil man Otis" She said winking before walking off to grab him a beer.

Everyone was really enjoying themselves, eating and drinking, chatting about old times and having a good catch up. Otis looked around and saw that Lily had disappeared. The live band stopped and Lily walked on the stage wearing a pair of denim shorts and a low v neck red tartan top.

Otis's eyes almost came out of his sockets when he saw her, Rufus slowly closed Otis's bottom jaw up to stop hom gawping like a goldfish.

"This is a song for my baby. Otis to celebrate his birthday" Lily said nervously.

 _I don't like to be alone in the night_

 _And I don't like to hear I'm wrong when I'm right_

 _And I don't like to have the rain on my shoe_

 _But I do love you, but I do love you…_

Otis's heart almost burst out of his chest with the love he had for her. He couldn't believe she had put so much effort into making his birthday special, not only did she love him but the day had also showed him that even though his family knew about his past they still loved him and they didn't think any differently about him.

 _Love everything about the way you're loving me_

 _The way you lay your head_

 _Upon my shoulder when you sleep_

 _And I love to kiss you in the rain_

 _I love everything you do._

God he felt so lucky to have her, the song she sang made his heart want to burst. She was everything he had ever wanted, not only did she love him but she would proudly singing it from the rooftops like she was now.

As the soon went down the air began to cool and the music began to slow.

Otis had Lily pulled close to him, his arms round the base of her spine, her hands around his neck and they swayed gently to the music under the sunset.

"Have you enjoyed your birthday baby?" She asked smiling looking up at him.

"Yes mama I did so much thank you" He said leaning down for a kiss.

"I wanted to make it really special"

"You did mama you made me feel so loved and just god mama thank you" What he felt was beyond words he had never felt this special to anyone ever!

"You don't need to say thank you Otis it's my job to spoil you and show you how much you mean to me because I love you"

"Still?" Otis said raising an eyebrow at her, Lily chuckled.

"Of course still you still man I'll never stop loving you" She said tiptoeing kissing him on the cheek.

" Love you too mama" Kissing her on the lips.

The evening came and all the guests life, Lily and Otis were entwined with each other on the bed.

"So that song was something huh mama kept that pretty quiet" Lily giggled.

"Yeah pretty sneaky huh hope you liked it"

" I really did, you're really not ashamed to tell people you love me hay mama?" He chuckled.

"Of course not I'd shout it to the world" She said kissing his jaw.

I've ive never had that before"

"I know baby that's why I'm making it my life's missing to make up for all the lovin' you've missed out on"

"You really are something mama what did I do to deserve you" He chuckled happily, it was a wonderful sound.

"Just by being Otis, Otis"

"That's good then I think I can carry on being Otis" Lily grinned.

"Good because I wouldn't want you any other way" Lily sighed happily she really thought his birthday has really made a difference to him, he knew his family still cared and it had definitely convinced him that she loved him.


	17. Chapter 17

Otis sat at his work bench trying to block it out of his mind that it was Christmas Eve, alright it was still warm and sunny weather nothing like the cold bitter Christmases he had experienced in his past in other states he was still aware that Christmas was ever looming closer. Otis hated Christmas it was the bane of his life the worst day of the year, Otis had never had a proper Christmas like every other day he had received a torrent of abuse and pain for Christmas.

 _Otis hissed in pain as he touched his black eye and split cheek from the night before, it had been Christmas Eve and he hadn't received a Christmas eve like all the other children he had seem them as he walked down the street through living room windows, children snuggled up in a blanket with their parents in front of an open fire watching cartoons with a mug of hot chocolate. He saw them every year sometimes he just sat and watched them through the window imagining he was part of it, that what he saw was his actual family. He spent his Christmas eve every year freezing in the icy cold wind and snow at the windows watching them in unsuitable clothes for the weather, he became more and more bitter and angry each year that other children were experiencing the perfect Christmas with a loving family and he was still suffering abuse during the holiday season from his parents. He didn't ask for a present but all he wished for was that just for the three days of the holiday season that they wouldn't hit him._

Otis mumbled and cursed under his breath at the memories as he worked at his bench on a statue, he hated Christmas and all the days around it, it angered him that all those children had experienced perfect loving Christmases taking it for granted and not knowing how lucky they were to have it. He was also bitter on Christmas as he wondered why him, why did he have to have been in that family? Why couldn't he have received a loving holiday season like all the other children? What had he done to deserve receiving nothing but hate?

 _Otis came in frozen to the bone in thin skimpy clothes that were too small, he shivered furiously from the bitter wind he hadn't realised how cold it had been watching all the happy families._

" _Where the fuck have you been?" His mum screeched grabbing hold of him and dragging him inside._

" _Just, just walking that's all" Otis stuttered with fear._

" _You've been watching them again haven't you? Haven't you!" She yelled, Otis slowly nodded it was easier not to lie, she always knew when she lied and that equalled pain._

" _Now let me tell you, only good children have a Christmas, only children that are loved and wanted have a loving Christmas and get presents" His mum ranted, Otis shook in fear of her anger._

" _I, I don't want presents" Otis sobbed "I, I just want to, not be hit anymore" He looked at her with big wide tear brimmed eyes, his mother laughed and his father came in dressed as Santa clause, he was on his way to give presents to all the good boys and girls at the nearby shopping mall._

" _Hay listen to this" His mother laughed to his dad "This worms just said he doesn't want to be hit this Christmas" Otis's dad laughed._

" _Oh he doesn't does he, well I think we can managed that" His dad chuckled grabbed hold of Otis and pinning him to the floor and straddling him._

" _No, no dad please no" Otis sobbed; he knew what was going to happen._

" _What I'm not hitting you am I? Just like you asked" His dad cackled as he pulled down Otis's trousers._

 _The pain, God the pain, he had experienced it many times before from both his father and from the Uncles that visited but he could never get used to it. Tears stung his eyes as he cried out in pain as his father brutally assaulted him dressed as Santa, pressed down hard against the cold wooden floor._

" _Merry Christmas mother fucker" His dad cursed as he zipped himself up and kicked the sobbing Otis in the stomach before he left. Otis lay shivering and in pain on the cold wooden floor bleeding and covered in stuff he didn't even want to think about, he sobbed and cried till his lungs hurt he could hear people singing Christmas carols outside, God he wished he hadn't asked them to stop hitting him, he could deal with the hitting what he had just experienced was a thousand times worse._

Otis swore loudly at the top of his lungs and threw his statue he was making across the room against the wall. Why him? Why fucking him? Just a loving family that's all he had ever wanted, just a loving family to show him affection, to snuggle up with while watching Christmas movies; he hadn't cared about presents he had just wanted to be loved.

"You ok baby?" Lily asked popping her head round the door hearing the commotion.

"Yeah mama I'm alright" Otis said not very convincing but she decided not to push him. She walked in and closed the door behind her looking at the statue on the floor.

"That looks like it's gonna be real good" Lily said smiling walking up to him and kissing him.

"Mmm maybe I should wreck my statues more often if I get that sugar every time" He said chuckling. Lily manoeuvred herself so she was stranding his legs as he sat on his chair.

"It's Christmas tomorrow" She said happily running a hand through his hair.

"mm hmm" He said nodding.

"What you getting me Santa?" She asked flirtatiously tugging on his beard.

"Anything you want mama" He said grinning, God he loved this girl he really knew how to cheer him up after having a flashback.

"I'll take my present now" She said grinning she knew something was on his mind and she wanted to take his mind off it "I want my present being you, naked, on that bed, now" She whispered seductively.

"Mmm God mama you sure know how to take a man's mind of his work think I can manage that" He grinned pulling his top over his head.

Lily pushed him on the bed and straddled him.

"Wait, hold it mama remember who you're with" He panicked.

"Shhh" She whispered soothingly running a hand through his blonde hair "It's just me I'm not going to hurt you" Otis closed his eyes and tried to let himself go, 'His parents really messed him up good' She thought to herself. Lily started to get into a rhythm and Otis started to make those whimpers and moans that only she could get him to make, afterwards Otis picked his statue up from off the floor and tried to get back to work.

Lily had decided to give Otis the best Christmas ever, she somehow doubted that his past Christmases had been full of love, laughter and joy so she wanted to show him how much she loved him. Otis was awoken in the morning he slowly opened one eye and saw a Santa hat, Otis gasped and scrambled out of bed landing on the floor with a thud.

"Babe you alright?" Lily panicked rushing to his side.  
"Yeah, just made me jump that's all" Otis looked up and saw Lily wearing a sexy Mrs Clause outfit.

"Mmm mama" He said in appreciation, but dread filled the pit of his stomach as he realised Christmas was here. "You look good enough to eat.  
"Yeah, well maybe I'll let you unwrap me later" She winked.

"Well wishes do come true at Christmas" _Never mine though_ He thought bitterly to himself.

When they went downstairs Mother Firefly had cooked a massive Christmas dinner, they ate enough until everyone felt sick.

"Baby oh look mistletoe, can we can we?" Lily pleaded, Otis frowned confused he was unsure what mistletoe meant.

"What, I don't get..." He mumbled Lily giggled "Come here handsome" Grabbing hold of his hands and leading him under the mistletoe.

"Now what?" He asked raising his eyes to look at the green plant above him.

"Now you kiss me you silly man" She grinned.

"Why what does it do?" Lily laughed at him.  
"Because it's Christmas it gives you good luck" Otis gave a cynical laugh as if to say you really believe that stuff.

"Oh come on baby don't be such a Grinch" Lily pulled a baby face at him; this was followed by a confused face.

"The Grinch, you've never..." She stopped it was a stupid question she wasn't going to ask of course he hadn't seen the Grinch that would mean having a childhood.

"Never mind... I'm going to have to educate you on some Christmas films now kiss me you silly man"

"Alright mama, alright give me some sugar" He grinned God he was loving the attention from her.

While Otis was helping Mother Firefly tidy up the table, Lily set out the living room.

"Mama what's this all about?" Otis asked as he walked in.

"I, I wanted to give you a proper family Christmas, we've got movies, snacks, drinks and we can snuggle on the sofa" She smiled, Otis's heart literally melted in his chest, God this was it this was all he had ever wanted she had given him the perfect Christmas and she didn't even realise. This was what he had dreamt about for years, God he loved her so much.

Otis sat in bed waiting for Lily to come up; she had looked so gorgeous in her Mrs Clause outfit he couldn't wait to unwrap her. Lily came in through the door with a red feather bower round her neck she closed the door behind her and did a sexy dance for him with the feather bower and started to sing as she gave him a performance dance slowly undressing for him.

 _You're a mean one Mr Grinch..._

 _You're as cuddly as a cactus..._

 _You're as charming as an eel..._

 _You're a monster Mr Grinch..._

Otis watched her slowly strip for him displaying herself with the feather bower singing for him somehow it was the most sexiest thing he had ever seen.

"Get here Mrs Grinch" He said grinning leaning and grabbing her pulling her onto the bed, this was the best Christmas he had ever had.


	18. Chapter 18

Nightmares of past Christmases haunted Otis that night they always did every year, he hadn't felt bitter this year though as he knew he was having the perfect Christmas as well as everyone else. Lily had made his dream come true and she hadn't even realised she had done it.

"Hay guys what do you think to this?" They suddenly heard a voice boom in the darkness, Lily gave a scream and scrambled for the side light, Otis was wrapped under the blanket.

"Mother fucker, fucking late, wake me up" Otis grumbled as he sat up, Otis's eyes went wide as he saw Cutter standing there in a Santa suit, he whimpered and flung himself out of bed and scrambled into the corner next to his bed.

"What the hell's wrong with him?" Cutter frowned.

"I have no idea, hay babe what's wrong you scared of Santa now?" Lily said chuckling.

"Don't fucking touch me, getthefuckoffofme!" He yelled grabbing his knife panicking as Cutter went to see if he was ok. "You're not gonna hurt me again" Cutter raised his hands in submission and backed away.  
"Wow, wow easy man" He soothed.  
"I think you better leave" Cutter nodded and left all he had wanted to do was show them the Santa's outfit had been wearing for the little ones in towm, slowly she knelt down in front of him and took his shaking hands.  
"Shhhh Otis it's just me it's your baby" She ran a hand through his hair he flinched at her.

"Never gonna hurt me again, never gonna hurt me again" Otis mumble as he gently rocked his whole body shaking with fear.  
"Who, who's not going to hurt you again Otis?" She was getting increasingly worried that Cutter had done something to her Otis that she didn't know about.

"S, s, Santa" He stuttered in fear, Lily laughed.

"Yeah alright nice one Otis, you know it's not funny to pretend this kind of shit you scared me" But then she looked at him again, he truly was terrified, his forehead had a light sweat and he was shaking in fear like a wobbly jelly.

"Shhh baby it's ok, it's ok" She pulled him close into her arms and kissed the top of his head gently rocking him.

"It's alright baby it was just Cutter no one's going to hurt you" Lily soothed.

It took her ages to get Otis to stop shaking and get him out from the safe confines of his bedroom corner; Lily sat next to him on the bed stroking his back with a hand as he brought his breathing back down to normal.

"So you're really scared of Santa babe" She said tittering she could hardly believe it that someone as strong and dangerous as Otis could be scared of a Christmas costume.

"Not funny mama not funny at all" He said glaring at her, giving her his disapproving frown.

"I know, I know it's just why Santa?" Lily asked it just seemed like such a bizarre fear for him to have.

"I, I when I was little I used to watch all the happy families through their window, I hated it I felt so bitter and angry that all the other children got happy Christmases and I didn't"

"Oh baby" Lily sighed pulling him close.  
"This Christmas was the best I've ever had, you've given me the best Christmas made all my dreams come true and you don't even know it"

"Really?" Lily gasped and Otis slowly nodded.  
"I used to see them through the window drinking hot chocolate and snuggled up with their families watching Christmas movies"

"Oh baby I, I didn't know" She said kissing his cheek.  
"Anyway one year I asked my parents not to hit me for Christmas, I didn't want presents not that I got any anyway but I just wanted them to stop hitting me for one day" Hearing this broke Lily's heart all he had wanted for Christmas was not to be abused just for one day, most children his age were wishing for red fire trucks or a new football.

"Dad came in dressed as Santa he was on his way to give presents to all the children at the shopping mall, he didn't hit me just like I asked him too, but what, what he did to me was so much worse I wish he had hit me, I remember being pushed to the floor and raped by Santa I, I could hear Christmas carols outside" Otis sobbed putting his face in his hands.  
"Oh baby no, I'm, I'm so sorry" Lily said holding him close as he sobbed out what he had been holding in so long. "Look Otis they were evil nasty people and you didn't deserve what they did to you, Cutter didn't mean to frighten you he didn't even know"

"I, I know it's just I saw the costume I didn't see who was in it and it just brought it all back, I thought I was back there"

"It's alright babe we'd never let anyone hurt you" Lily soothed, Otis slowly nodded.

"I killed them Christmas day" Otis growled "The Christmas just after my thirteenth birthday"

 _Santa clause visited Otis every Christmas from there on in until the Christmas after his thirteenth birthday he couldn't take it anymore he wouldn't stand by and let Santa give him another visit this year, he slowly tiptoed upstairs and into his parents' bedroom. He set fire to them as he slept, the clock struck dead on midnight._

" _Merry Christmas Mother Fuckers!" He growled watching them burn._

Lily sat in owe listening to Otis telling her the story; she could hardly believe that her kind sweet loving man was capable of such things but she knew how dangerous he could be. She was glad that her Otis had got some vengeance but whatever he did to his parents would never be enough for the amount of suffering he had endured.

"That's why today meant so much to me I don't think you even know how happy you made me" Otis explained giving a faint smile.

"Aww baby I just gave you a normal family Christmas that's all" Lily said smiling.  
"But mama that's all I ever wanted, it was everything I wished for" Otis said putting a hand on the back of her hand and pulling her face to him and kissed her.

"I can't thank you enough for today, I love you mama"

"I love you Otis I just hope I can make every Christmas as special"

"Every day I spend with you is special mama" He said pulling her in for another kiss.

"Oh Otis you silly soppy man"

"Oh wait that reminds me I forgot your present" He said with a goofy smile.  
"Otissss, you didn't have to, you shouldn't have"  
"Shush you show me enough how much you love me let me do the same" He said grabbing a box out of his pocket.

"Mama, I know I don't have much money and I, I don't really know what I can offer you, you do a lot for me and I'll be spending the rest of my life making it up to you but I, I want to spend that time making it up to you as your husband" Otis felt like he was dying, his heart was pounding out of his chest, he felt sick. What if she said no? Lily sat there gobsmacked she was not expecting that at all, he sounded so nervous and so terrified.

"Mama please say something" He mumbled.

"I, wow Otis I was not expecting that at all" Otis's face fell.

"No you're right it was foolish of me to think you'd marry me I mean who would commit that much to me" Otis mumbled.

"What! No Otis baby that's not what I mean at all, I'm just wow, of course I'll say yes" Lily stuttered she couldn't believe it, it was so unexpected.

"You, you will?" He stuttered, Otis almost couldn't believe it himself.

"Of course I will you silly man I love you" She grinned, Otis's face lit up like a thousand Christmas tree lights, Suddenly Lily found herself being lifted and spun round in the air.

"Lily you have no idea how happy you have just made me" Letting her down to the floor and kissing her, she felt dizzy. Lily couldn't believe it her Otis had just proposed to her, Otis had been dead sure she would day no maybe things were looking up for him after all.


	19. chapter 19

Lily awoke snuggled in Otis's arms, she held up her hand and stared gobsmacked at the shiny gold band dancing on her finger, it was beautiful simple but beautiful she loved it so much she hated to think how long he had saved up for it, she grinned watching the metal sparkle and shine she loved her man so much.

She heard him moan in his sleep and snuggle up to her closer. Lily kissed him on the forehead soothingly she loved her big strong dangerous man who was scared of silly things like spiders and santa he was really still sometimes just a child at heart and it made her love him even more. Even though he could be cruel he had a big heart alot lots of love to give, it had waited so long to be loved and love someone in return and this band proved that she was the incredibly lucky woman that was going to receive all the love Otis had to offer.

Otis groaned and rubbed his eyes sleepily he grinned wide as he saw Lily staring in wonder at her ring he could look at that sight for hours just seeing her content, happy and in love with him so much.

"Mmm hay mama" He mumbled nuzzling her neck.

"Morning otis" She grinned rubbing noses with him, Otis lifted an eyebrow.

"What...was that" He quipped.

"It's an Eskimo kiss" She grinned "It's how Eskimos kiss" Otis shook his head.

"You're weird mama" He chuckled, Lily laughed.

"Everyones weird in this house" Looking at Otis she saw all the love he had to offer, so much love she loved that kind sweet man.

"Hay baby I erm was thinking what would you think about having a baby us" She said lookin him in the eyes.

you're not are you" He gasped eyes wide, Lily chuckled.

"No I'm not silly I just wondered what you thought about it you know in the future" Otis's heart pounded he had never thought about having a child of his own he had seen how horrible the world was he had never thought about bring a child into it, in fairness he had never thought he'd find a woman to love him let alone want to marry him and have children.

"I err I never really thought about it" He said honestly he knew children could have good childhoods but he knew they could have a childhood as horrible as his too.

"Baby you have so much love to give any baby would be lucky to have you as their daddy" Lily smiled touching his face.

"You want a baby with me mama?" Otis asked seriously.

"I, I it was something to consider obviously if you don't want one we won't I just wondered what you thought"

"I I don't know mama" Lily nodded understandingly.

Otis closed his eyes and groaned as he washed his hair and felt the hot water sooth his aching muscles. He was trying to relax but his mind was buzzing with thoughts. Did Lily want his baby was that what she was trying to tell him? or was it generally just a simple question it had never been something he thought about but now she had brought it up the thought both warmed his heart and terrified him.

He wasn't sure their home was the right environment for a baby growing up, with him and Baby taking in victims he knew the sound of screaming would terrify a child and wake it up from naps. Just imagine if he was playing with a victim and his kindergarden son or daughter walked in. That was just one of the many problems in his mind.

Once Lily next saw Otis she knew instantly that he looked worried she asked him if he was Ok but he dismissed her and she knew better than to push him.

Otis thought about it for days getting increasingly anxious. His smart brain and common sense told him it was a bad idea for them to have a baby especially while they were in that house and still taking in victims. But did she really want a baby and if he told her the truth would she leave him? Would she go off with someone else who would give her what she wants? Could he have a baby and live with it just to keep her? He would do anything to keep her and never lose her love.

Otis starred in the mirror he hadnt noticed till now how much his eyes looked so much like his father's. Hr hated them for it but it started to make him think, if he had a baby would he turn out like this father? He was an evil man to his victims could he be the same way to his child?

Lily sat in the bedroom when she suddenly heard the sound of vomiting coming from the bathroom she immediately got up and ran to the bathroom she ran in and saw Otis's face covered in a cascade of hair as he was being sick in the toilet.

"Baby are you ok?" She asked concerned otis groaned and sat on the tiled floor Lily knelt in front of him.

"What's wrong baby?" She asked otis was frightened to tell her.

"Don't be mad ok mama don't leave me if I tell you" He begged.

"of course not I'd never leave you you silly man"

"I, I can't give you a baby mama" He said shaking as he told her expecting her to high tail it out of his life.

"Oh baby is this what has been worrying you all this time?" She soothed otis slowly nodded.

"I, I thought you'd leave me if I said no" Otis sounded so scared.

"Oh baby id never leave you it was just something to think about nothing certain"

"I, I was thinking about it, what what if I become like my father I have his eyes what if I abuse my child like he did me" His bottom lip wobbled.

"Otis that would never happen you're a kind sweet man you may have his eyes but you're nothing like him"

"But but you don't know that" Lily sighed.

"Your not like that Otis just the thought of you doing that made you sick but if you feel uncomfortable having one then that is ok id never leave my sweet silly man"

"You're still gonna marry me mama?"

"Of course I love my Otis if you ever want a baby we can have one if you don't im fine with that too I'll still be happy and I want you to be happy too" She smiled kissing his cheek.

"mm love you mama what did I do to deserve you" He smiled.

"Just being Otis" Lily smiled.

"mm think I can do that mama I think I can be otis" Lily giggled.

"Good because I love my Otis and I'll always love you"


	20. Chapter 20

Otis sighed with the future boredom he knew he was going to feel, it was Lily's turn to choose a film for the evening she loved horrors and always chose one when they decided to settle down with a movie for a relaxing evening of snuggled. Otis wasn't into horror films they bored him to tears he enjoyed the real thing and those movies were never realistic, the blood always looked terribly fake or people survived injuries he knew full well they wouldn't, the dead bodies never looked realistic and the jump scares were always protectable he knew they were coming a mile off, but although he would never admit it Otis would do anything to receive affection and snuggles off Lily so feel her body curled lovingly around him even if he had to sit through a bore fest of a film for two hours, he loved to make her happy and if that's what would make her smile then that's what he'd do.

That evening Lily had chosen Psycho to watch by director Alfred Hitchcock it had been recommended to her by a friend so she thought she'd give it a go. Lily gave a sigh of contentment as Otis wrapped his arm around her and she snuggled into his chest, he hid a goofy grin as she wrapped a hand around his stomach.

"Mmm I could die happily right here" She sighed.  
"Mm well try to refrain from dying on me mama" He said deadpanned, he was never amused by her jokingly talking about her dying, he never found it funny he had no idea what he'd do without her, he never wanted to think about having to relearn how to live without her.

Otis decided to take this movie with a pinch of salt, he had never been scared or freaked out by a movie before and he doubted he would start now but he had decided on humouring her. But something unnerved him about that movie he tried his best to hide it from her but even she felt his body jump when Mother came through the shower curtain with a knife.

" _They're probably watching me. Well, let them. Let them see what kind of a person I am. I'm not even going to swat that fly. I hope they are watching... they'll see. They'll see and they'll know, and they'll say, "Why, she wouldn't even harm a fly..."_ Lily felt a shudder run through him and she had to stifle a giggle, her big strong huffy grumpy man was getting the creeps from an old black and white horror.

"What did you think baby?" She asked him looking up at him smiling.  
"Meh it was Ok" He mumbled shrugging his shoulders playing it cool Lily tried not to laugh at how he was pretending that it hadn't bothered him.

"It was good I liked it  
"You would mama it's because you're weird"  
"You wouldn't love me any other way" She grinning kissing him on the lips.  
"Mmm that's true" He mumbled pulling her close.  
"HAY GUYS!" Baby shouted kicking the living room door open, Lily felt Otis jump out of his skin she almost looked up on the ceiling to see if it was stuck up there.

"Baby what the fuck!" Otis turned round hissing at her.

"Sorry did I interrupt something" She giggled.

"Yes, well no well I mean you didn't have to kick the fucking door in" Baby laughed.

"Sorry Mr. Grumpy gills" She chuckled walking up the stairs to her bedroom.

Lily giggled mischievously as stood outside the bathroom door, it was late in the evening and Otis had just gone to take a shower. Slowly she twisted the handle and creaked open the door grinning wide at the joke she was about to play on him. Otis stood eyes wide as he saw a black shadow creep closer and closer to the shower curtain; he grabbed his knife off the edge of the bath and held it up ready to strike. Lily suddenly pulled the shower curtain open, Otis lunged forward to attack the intruder and stopped dead when he saw it was Lily.

"OH MY GOD LILY WHAT THE FUCK!" Otis shouted, Lily started laughing.  
"I knew it, I knew that film gave you the creeps" She laughed.

"Seriously mama what the fuck I almost stabbed you!" He gasped shocked, slowly lowering the knife.

"Otis you seriously take that thing in the shower with you?" Lily quipped raising an eyebrow at the knife still raised in the air; Otis looked at it and slowly lowered the knife putting it on the side of the bath again.

"Lily this isn't funny I could have killed you" Otis said seriously, looking at her sternly.

"I, I'm sorry baby it, it was just a joke" She mumbled her face fell.

"I, I could have fucking killed you mama, I could have killed my baby girl" He scolded, Lily looked down at the floor like a told of school girl.

"I, I was just playing" Her bottom lip wobbled, Otis sighed.  
"Baby you know you can't do that, you know how jumpy I get" He gathered her into his warm wet chest wrapping his arms around her.

"I, I know I forgot it was just the movie and I thought, it was just a little practical joke" her voice was breaking.

"Oh mama it's alright no need to cry no one got hurt" He stroked her head, Lily slowly nodded.

"I, I forgot how highly strung you are I'm sorry baby" She said looking up at her, Otis looked at her and stroked her face.

"Mama its ok I'm not mad I was just scared that's all, it scared me so much that I was that close to hurting you, I would never have forgiven myself if it'd hurt you" He bent his neck and kissed her hard on the lips. "Come on baby dry your tears"

"Guess I did it huh? I scared the big scary Otis" She said grinning happily with her achievement, Otis decided to swallow his ego and amuse her.  
"Yeah you did baby you scared me good" He said grinning at her; it was the truth she had scared him; Lily gave a big smile back and tiptoed to kiss him again. "You better give me plenty of sugar for that heart attack you just gave me mama"

"Keep standing there ass naked like that in front of me and you'll be getting more than just sugar" Lily winked walking out of the bathroom.  
"Hay mama where you going?" He called after her.  
"Letting you shower in peace, let that heart calm down a bit before I get it racing again"  
"Mmmm mama you're such a cock tease"

"You love me for it" She said, Lily heard him huff and puff something under his breath as she left.

Lily straddled Otis as she lay on the bed, she could feel him panic slightly but nowhere near as much as he used to.

"Mmm hay mama" He grinned as she did so growling in appreciation.  
"Think you deserve extra lovin' because I scared you?" Otis nodded in agreement; she bent her head and started kissing his neck and chest.

"Aww my big gruff Otis freaked out by a little movie" She teased.

"Fuck off mama" He said deadpanned, Lily giggled.

"Oh shush I'm only teasing" Peppering his chest with kisses; he groaned and closed his eyes he loved her loving on him like this.

"Just think if I'd been a murderer no one would have ever known, the blood would have run all down the plug hole" She teased.

"Mama shut up" He chuckled.

"A bloodless corpse slumped at the bottom of the shower awww poor scared baby"

"Right that's it mama" He grinned grabbing her and flipping her over.

"Baby what you doing?" She asked looking over her shoulder, Otis grabbed her hips and pulled them up to meet him.  
"Punishing you for taking the piss out of me, you're my scared baby now" He grinned slapping her hard on the ass, she yelped at the sharp sting.  
"Yeah that's it scared baby, you better be scared cus you're going to be playing victim" He grinned, god she loved this girl so much he had been so close to finding out what his life would be like without her it terrified him to think he had been inches away from hurting her all because of a silly prank, he cursed himself for being so jumpy all the time but he wouldn't change the way he was so long as Lily kept on loving him.


	21. Chapter 21

The fright that Lily had caused Otis in the shower got her thinking, she knew and understood that Otis was jumpy and overly cautious about everything, Otis was a control freak and never wanted to be caught unprepared. Otis took his knife everywhere when he went out and everywhere round the house but Lily had no idea that he took his knife in the shower with him too. She never thought Otis was that skittish, his childhood she understood had made him that way it was understandable but the shower was a time to relax, a time of contemplation and time to yourself it made her wonder why Otis thought it was necessary to take his knife in there with him too. There was obviously some kind of thought processes going on where Otis thought he would need to protect himself in the shower or maybe Otis hated how vulnerable the shower made you feel and never wanted to be caught off guard without a weapon. So Lily decided she would try and talk to him about it, she thought maybe she could help and put his mind at ease make him understand that he was safe, if he was struggling she could try and help him and if she could then the effort would make it all worthwhile.

Otis was asleep when she finally plucked the courage to go and talk to him about it. She loved to see him sleep so peaceful and sweet like butter wouldn't melt a mass of beard and dark brown hair. She sat on the bed beside him and stroked his wavy hair; she loved to stroke his hair while he slept. He gave a sleepy moan and a grumble; she couldn't help but giggle he was always like a grumpy old man. He slowly opened his eyes and grumbled in protest at being woken up; he didn't sleep the best at night so he liked to be left alone to sleep when he could.  
"Sorry baby I didn't mean to wake you" She whispered.  
"S'alright mama" He groaned as he heaved himself up and rubbed his eyes, she loved how cute Otis looked when he was sleepy. "What's up mama why the wakeup call?" He frowned, Lily gave a sigh she knew how this was going to go.  
"I want to talk about what happened in the shower" She began.  
"You woke me up to admit how stupid you were?" He grinned raising an eyebrow.  
"Why do you take your knife in the shower with you?" Lily asked bluntly, Otis sighed irritably he had thought he had got away with that one that she wouldn't push for answers but Lily knew him like a book by now so it had been a foolish assumption.  
"Always good to be armed mama" Otis said shrugging his shoulders.  
"Otis!" She said sternly, don't bullshit me" He sighed in reply she could always tell when he was lying.  
"I...erm" He sighed "My parents never let me shower said I didn't deserve it that they wasn't increasing their water bill for me, but I needed to shower I needed to wash my dad off me so I used to have to sneak into the shower unnoticed"  
"Otis your safe now no one's going to hurt you" Lily said sympathetically.  
"I know I guess it's just imprinted pretty deep" Lily closed her eyes and sighed it made her so upset and angry to know how badly her Otis had been hurt.  
"Did, did something happen to you there?" She asked Lily hated to think of the answer; Otis sighed and slowly nodded his head. Lily opened her mouth to ask him but he waved her off.  
"Another time mama, another time" He mumbled, Lily nodded her head understandingly she knew better than to push him, he would open up to her in his own time.

 _Little Otis skittered across the dark, cold and deadly silent hallway from his tiny bedroom to the bathroom. He knew his parents would be furious if they caught him using the shower but he had to, he could feel his skin crawl he needed to wash his dad off him. As far as his parents were concerned him using the shower was creating an unnecessary bill and spending their money but he felt so dirty he was willing to risk a beating to feel clean again. Otis sighed happily as the steaming hot water scorched his skin it was such an amazing feeling to feel the water wash away his shame and humiliation._

 _Otis closed his eyes and tried to relax his parents were asleep; he was trying to be as quiet as possible.  
"Enjoying that are you" He heard a calm voice growl; Otis's eyes flew open like a dear in headlights and yelped.  
"D, Dad p, please, I" He began stuttering terrified of his father's anger and seeing that his father was naked too he knew what was coming, he cursed himself for being so stupid how had he not heard his father walk in and he cursed himself for taking the risk in the first place.  
"Nice to see you took the effort to get yourself clean for me" His dad grinned.  
"D, Dad please I'm sorry" The little blonde haired blue eyed blue begged looking up at his father. _

_His father put his finger to his lips and Otis stopped talking instantly.  
"Just be nice for daddy and I won't tell mum, we'll say no more about it" His father said calmly he said pointing down, Otis looked down and saw he was erect. Otis thought about it hard if he told his mother then he was in for hours of beatings and pain but if he just did this one thing he could go back to bed unharmed. Slowly Otis nodded his head it was embarrassing, humiliating and shameful but it was the least painful solution. _

_Slowly his father pushed Otis to his knees in front of him and he took him into his mouth trying not to gag. He felt so ashamed with himself for selling himself out like that but he couldn't put up with anymore beatings. Otis tried so hard not to vomit when the warm liquid filled his mouth and hot tears filled his eyes as he was forced to swallow. His dad was true to his word he walked out and left Otis alone to return back to bed but Otis couldn't get rid of the feeling of disgust he felt with himself._

In the evening on the way to bed she walked into the bathroom to brush her teeth before bed and got a shock. Otis was stood in front of the mirror pulling a serious face with a razor in one hand gliding it across his arm not a serious cut but deep enough to bleed.  
"OTIS! OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL" She yelled shocked, Otis's eyes went wide as he realised she'd caught him. "What the hell are you doing?" She yelled grabbing the razor from his hand cutting her finger tip in the process. She cursed and sucked her finger and looked up at Otis her face filled with anger.  
"Otis what the hell" She cursed again.  
"I, I'm sorry mama" He could see how angry she was.  
"Otis what happened to you, what are you going through?" She demanded an answer grabbing some bandages out of the cupboard.  
"Nothing mama, don't matter" He mumbled shrugging his shoulders.  
"Otis you're cutting yourself you're going to tell me now!" Lily said sternly, Otis backed away from her slightly, startled by her temper. "For God sake Otis I'm not going to hurt you Otis I'm worried about you" Otis sighed he knew better than to be stubborn with Lily when she was angry so she began to tell her about what his father did to him in the shower.

When he finished he looked away from her, he felt so ashamed he couldn't look her in the eye as she wrapped his cut in bandages.  
"I, I just felt so ashamed I sold myself to get no beatings, I'm disgusted with myself" He growled she could see the hatred for himself in his eyes.  
"Baby no, don't blame yourself, your father shouldn't have done that to you, you did what you had to survive" Lily said putting her palm on his cheek.  
"I hate myself mama" He mumbled.  
"Don't! Hate your father for putting you in that position, if I can love you, you can love you too" Lily said smiling.  
"Love you too mama" He said giving a weak smile.  
"Come on you silly man let's get you to bed" She smiled taking his hands in hers and leading her to the bed.

Lily couldn't hold Otis close enough, couldn't give him enough comforting snuggles she wished he would understand how much she loved him and just how special he really was.  
"Otis... please don't do this again" Lily whispered ghosting a finger across the bandage "Please don't hurt yourself again if, God if anything bad happened to you I don't know what I'd do" Lily begged, Otis said nothing. "Otis please, promise me!" She said sternly.  
"I promise mama" He said taking her face in his hands and planting a kiss on her lips, God he couldn't believe he had this girl he was so lucky.  
"I don't want you punishing yourself anymore for what your PARENTS did" A tear ran down her cheek and Otis wiped it away with his thumb.  
"I promise mama I love you so much" He would always beat himself up over what he had suffered and things that he'd done but with Lily by his side he knew he could deal with it, he was a survivor not a victim.


	22. Chapter 22

Otis was so embarrassed by that evening he couldn't believe that Lily had caught him doing that to himself she must think he was so weak and vulnerable. The next entire day Lily was forbidden from entering their bedroom but gathering from the screams she could here she wouldn't want to be in that bedroom even if she was allowed to be. As she walked by she heard Otis's laugh, not the cute happy cheerful laugh he let out when he was with her but the cruel sadistic laugh the one he gave when he was amused by someone's pain and suffering, she knew that the victim was paying for Otis's feelings of embarrassment trying to make him feel manly and tough again but she couldn't hang around and listen to it she didn't want to know what Otis was capable of, she hated even contemplating that that was the kind of man Otis was sometimes. She hated his dark side so she decided to go into town stopping with Baby.

 _Otis laughed cruelly at the woman's sobs, tears ran down her face as he pressed the cool flat surface of the knife against her cheeks and waved it in front of her face, taunting her with it.  
"Yeah little middle class Barbie piece of shit, cry for all the good it'll do you" He chucked running the knife down her throat and across her chest but not cutting her.  
"Pl, please I'll, I'll do anything just let me go" She begged.  
"Bitch I don't want nothin' from you, I got a hot piece of ass out there shaking her shit ready for me what do you think it'd want to do with a piece of trash like you except cut you to pieces" Otis spat sliding the blade across her chest leaving a line of blood that flowed down her breasts causing the woman to whimper in pain.  
"L, Look Mr I, I know you're trying to prove something here but killing me won't make you feel better" The woman cried, Otis laughed.  
"Well bitch I can give it a fucking shot" He growled sticking the knife just below her rib cage and twisted it. _

Lily sat in silence deep in thought over her cup of hot chocolate as she sat in a cafe opposite Baby.  
"What ya thinking about?" Baby chirped.  
"Otis... did you know he has a fear of showers, takes his knife in with him" She knew Otis would probably be made if he found out she had told Baby, he was always so embarrassed about how his past still affected him.  
"Until recently we didn't even know half of Otis's ordeals let alone that he was suffering from them, he suffered on his own through nightmares flashbacks the lot" Baby said sadly.  
"He's scared of the shower takes his knife in with him in case someone wants to hurt him...I was just, wondering if we could help him with that"  
"When we house trained our dogs we moved newspaper closer to the door till he was outside...maybe that would work?" Baby was always a lot smarter than she sounded and that sounded like a very good idea.

Otis managed to clean up the mess before Baby and Lily came back, he knew that she hated his dark side and didn't like the reality of what her sweet man was capable of, so in their bedroom you would have never known that a murder had occurred it was just like it always was.  
"Hay mama" He said giving the smile that she loved so much as she walked in, he went to hug her but recoiled in horror at his blood stained clothes.  
"Sorry mama didn't have time to shower" He apologised seeing the sadness and disgust in her eyes not at him but the things he does. He grabbed the knife off the side and headed into the bathroom.  
"Otis, wait!" She called he turned round back towards her "You're safe here, no one's going to hurt you why don't you leave your knife here?" She suggested.  
"No mama not happening" He dismissed outright, Lily sighed.  
"How about I sit on the toilet seat with it, so it's in the room in case you need it?" She offered, she really wanted Otis to feel more comfortable and safe in his home, Otis sighed irritably.  
"Why do you have to make such a big deal out of everything mama?" He groaned.  
"I just want you to feel safe in your own home" Lily sighed, rolling his eyes Otis nodded and went into the bathroom, Lily followed.

"Mama I don't think I can do this" He panicked as she pulled his vest over his heart marvelling at his tattooed torso.  
"Shh baby its ok you're safe ain't no one here 'sept me" Lily soothed reaching up and kissing him on the cheek.  
"Don't know why you're making me do this" Otis huffed. When she reached for his trousers he froze.  
"It's ok baby your knifes right here no one's going to hurt you" She could hear him breathing heavily and he felt tense as she unbuttoned his trousers and slowly pulled them down.  
"You know under different circumstances this would be fucking hot" He said Lily chuckled.

Lily stared in wonder at Otis in the shower; she loved watching the water run down his tanned toned body, his long hair wet and wavy cascading down to his chest as he soaped up his body. He insisted that he kept the shower curtain open so he could see her, his knife and everything that was in that room.  
"Mmmm Otis you are never getting out of this shower" She said in appreciation.  
"Like what you see mama?" He purred grinning but she could see that he was super tense.  
"Otis you are a girl's wet dream standing there like that"  
"You're crazy mama" He laughed.  
"You're doing well babe I'm proud of you" Lily chirped proudly.  
"Thanks mama" He blushed, it made Lily wonder if anyone had ever told him they were proud of him.  
"Maybe next time we can try without the knife in the room at all" She suggested.  
"You must be joking mama not happening" He scowled.  
"Not even if I'm in the shower with you?" Lily purred seductively winking, Otis sighed.  
"God mama you know how to twist me right round your little finger"  
"Mmmm I know what I would like to wrap my fingers around" Lily purred standing up off the toilet lid as he got out of the shower, she walked up to him and tiptoed to kiss him on the lips reaching down and cupping him with one hand, he gave a moan of appreciation against her lips.  
"Mmm do I get this treatment every time we do this mama?" He moaned as she started to stroke him.  
"Depends on how good you are Otis" She teased.

The next day Lily slowly shut the door behind her, Otis jumped at the sound of the door shutting, he was incredibly jumpy and tense without his knife in the room.  
"Mama, mama please I can't do this" He panicked.  
"Baby yes you can no one's going to hurt you"  
"Fuck mama why can't you just leave things alone!" He huffed.  
"Shhhh" She soothed nibbling the crook of his neck, he shuddered in pleasure but was too tense to really enjoy it, slowly she tried to pull his vest over his head.  
"Mama, No, no mama leave it, mama i said NO!" he panicked she could see him shaking.  
"Shhh Otis carm down, it's just me" He took a deep breath to try and calm himself as she attempted again to take of his top.

She held him close as he shook with fear in the shower, he hated feeling this vulnerable the feeling that if anyone wanted to attack him he couldn't defend himself and he hated looking this weak in front of Lily.  
"See it's not so bad" Lily commented trying to put him at ease, he huffed in reply. "Showers can be fun Otis I could make you feel good" She purred reaching down.  
"No, mama, no don't" He stuttered grabbing hold of her wrist, so instead she showered him with affection holding him close kissing his lips, neck and chest he moaned in appreciation.

It wasn't long before he felt comfortable in the shower without his knife and when he was comfortable Lily stopped going in the shower with him. She stood by the bathroom door and she could hear him singing.

 _I've been walkin' these streets so long  
Singin' the same old song  
I know every crack in these dirty sidewalks of Broadway  
Where hustle's the name of the game  
And nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain..._

 _Well, I really don't mind the rain  
And a smile can hide all the pain  
But you're down when you're ridin' the train  
That's takin' the long way_  
She could hardly believe that this sweet silly man was the man that was capable of such terrible things  
"Hay mama why have you stopped coming into the shower with me?" Otis huffed in a strop.  
"I thought once you were comfortable you'd like your shower alone time" Lily explained.  
"Mama why would I want to shower alone when I could have you in it" He grinned pulling her closer and grabbing her behind, Lily giggled.  
"Awww sweet man" She said tiptoeing and kissing him.  
"You me shower now" He said grabbing her by the hand and pulling her into the bathroom  
"But, but you've showered already" Lily giggled.  
"Yeah and...?" Lily closed her mouth she really didn't have an answer to that she would take any opportunity to see have her gorgeous handsome Otis naked in the shower, with the added bonus of not being stabbed.


	23. Chapter 23

Otis stood behind Lily tying the ribbon ties of her dress into a bow at the back of her, her elegant flower dress that she wore for every church service. It amazed him that Lily could be in a relationship with him and see what he was capable of but still keep her faith in a higher power, it made him love her more that she had kept her faith her blind faith that made her seem so innocent and that her faith hadn't been shattered by the evil in the world.  
"So you believe in a devil Otis but you don't believe in a god?" She asked lifting her hair up as Otis did up the clasp of her necklace.  
"You are joking ain't you mama? Why would I believe in a God?" Otis snapped a little harsher than he meant too but it annoyed him that after everything he had gone through she was still surprised that he didn't believe in a God.  
"I just...maybe, maybe he saved you he saw the evilness in your parents and delivered you from them" Lily said but when she turned round and saw the angry frown she knew she had made a mistake in asking.  
"What kind of fucking God would make a child go through that mama?!" Otis growled she could see the anger in his eyes, when he was angry his iris's turned the same colour as his pupils, black.  
"I..." She stuttered.  
"What kind of fucking God would let a thirteen year old boy get raped by his father since he was ten?" Otis exclaimed his voice getting louder.  
"Baby I..." Lily said trying to calm him down, she reached to touch his shoulder but he moved out the way.  
"No mama, don't even try and talk to me about this bullshit THERE IS NO FUCKING GOD MAMA!" He shouted Lily took a step back surprised by his reaction but then on the other hand it also made scene.  
"Otis calm down, I get that you suffered, ALOT I get it but something also saved you from that"  
"I SAVED MYSELF FROM THAT MAMA, IF I HADN'T KILLED MY PARENTS IT WOULD HAVE FUCKING GONE ON AND ON AND ON, UNLESS YOU'RE SUGGESTING "GOD" INFLUENCED ME TO DO THAT?"  
"M, maybe I don't know it was just a question" She stuttered Otis's face softened as he saw her taken back surprised and slightly scared face.  
"I...I'm sorry mama" Otis apologised walking towards her and pulling her close to him wrapping his arms around her.  
"No, no I understand after everything you've suffered it's understandable"  
"It's a touchy subject for me mama I'm sorry" Otis said apologetically kissing her on the forehead.  
"I, I just wish there was more good in the world, there's so many kids out there that were like you that need help and he doesn't seem to be helping them" Lily said sadly before leaving for church leaving Otis thinking.

Lily's suspicions arose within the next few days, Otis would leave early in the morning before she woke and be out all day until the late afternoon. He had stopped helping Rufus in the garage doing up cars for the past couple of days he had never told anyone where he was going and baby always saw him leave with a rucksack she had mentioned to Baby that it looked like from a distance he was putting clothes in it.

One day on her day off she went to see Cutter at his shop she loved wondering around when Otis was working in the garage with Rufus on her days off work she always discovered something new and different, but this time her heart wasn't in it she went for the company more than gazing in wonder at the displays instead she sat sighing with her head in her hands her mind filled with thoughts.  
"What's up girl?" Cutter asked as he was sweeping the floor, seeing that she was clearly fed up and bothered by something.  
"I, I think Otis is cheating on me" She sighed sounding very upset.  
"Happy boy...really" Cutter said chucking.  
"Don't laugh it's not funny"  
"It's not that but happy boy no never" Cutter laughed.  
"Why not?"  
"Well A there can't be that many people that want to sleep with his scrawny ass and B he's too loyal for that, you remember how long it took him to open up to him? You really think he's got another woman?"  
"Maybe, she might make him happier than I do and she could get him to open up" Cutter raised an eyebrow at her at the unlikely comment. "Well if he's not cheating on me where's he going? He's gone every day and takes a big of spare clothes with him every time"  
"Well if you wanna know where he's gone let's find out... tomorrow" Cutter suggested Lily nodded she wanted to find out what Otis was up to.

The following day when Otis left for wherever he was going Cutter and Lily followed him, Cutter thought it was extremely unlikely that Otis would be having an affair it took him ages to trust and open up to Lily he doubted that he would risk what they had Otis was faithful to a fault he doubted he would let anyone get as close as what he let Lily but when Lily explained to him what had been happening it did sound suspicious so he agreed to discreetly follow him.

Cutter and Lily followed Otis to a massive brick building he hadn't noticed that he was being followed he walked into the building, looking through the window they saw a flock of children but he had disappeared Lily frowned.  
"What's he up to, where's he gone?" Lily whispered.  
"Fuck knows girl" Cutter frowned, they were just about to leave when they heard a loud din of the children cheering, they both peeked back through the window.  
"No, It can't be" Lily gasped trying not to laugh as she saw a fat Santa walking into the room but she would recognise those eyes anywhere.  
"What is this place?" Lily whispered.  
"Looks like an orphanage to me" Cutter said.  
"Otis is dressing up as Santa for orphans" Lily almost sobbed at the absolute sweetness of the picture in front of her.

The way he was sat on the chair with a child sat on his knee, the Santa hat perched crooked on his head, the way his cheeks bunched up above the ill fitted beard and how he had tried to make a cushion look like a fat belly and how his smile showed his chipped tooth as he talked and laughed with the children, it made her heart melt.  
"Awwww my sweet silly man" She whispered.  
"Told you he wouldn't cheat on you, he loves you to bits" Cutter said smiling putting his arm round her comforting her, Lily couldn't help but cry with relief.

 _Otis gave a big smile as a little boy of ten sat on his lap, it made his heart break to think that he was the same age as this little boy when his father started raping him.  
"Are you the real Santa?" The little boy gasps in amazement up at Otis.  
"Sure am kid" Otis says smiling. "What would you like for Christmas?" Otis asks seeing the big blue eyed blonde haired boy staring up at him in wonder.  
"I...I guess you can't bring me a family for Christmas, I'd really like a mommy" He says sadly, Otis felt his heart shatter. "But, but I would like a football then we can all play together and I can share it with everyone else" He says happily beaming up at Otis.  
"Sure kid I'm sure Santa can do that"_

When Otis walked in Lily ran up to him and pulled him into a tight hug, peppering his face with kisses.  
"Wow mama wow what's got into you?" He laughs grinning loving the affection.  
"You are a sweet silly man and I love you" She says giving him a big kiss on the lips.  
"Why mama what did I do?" He smiles showing his chipped front tooth.  
"I saw you as Santa this afternoon with all the children you really are a lovely sweet man you know that?"  
"Wh, what you saw me?" He frowns.  
"Yeah we wanted to see what you were up to you're a loving kind man Otis B Driftwood"  
"Shhh keep, keep your voice down"  
"Why Otis what's wrong?" She asks frowning.  
"I, I didn't want anyone to find out, I thought the family would take the piss"  
"Awwww you sweet man Otis no one would do that to you" She tiptoes kissing him. "It was such a kind thing you did, I love you so much"  
"Love you too mama... guess I better go get all those kids their presents huh mama" He grins chuckling , God she loved him so much even though he was a dangerous killer he had the most biggest heart.


	24. Chapter 24

Halloween was a special time for the firefly family, but instead of their normal activities Lily organised a family party Otis, Lily, Cutter, Rufus and Baby was there. After a dance and some drinking Baby mischievously came down with something she had been saving for Halloween, it was a Ouija board.  
"Baby I don't think we should be messing with that" Lily said nervously, being religious she believed in spirits both good and evil and didn't believe it was something to play with.  
"Don't be silly it'll be fun" Baby laughed placing the Ouija board on the floor "Come on guys what are ya chicken?" Baby asked, Lily, Otis, Cutter and Rufus exchanged glances before shrugging their shoulders and sitting on the floor round the board.  
"Ohhh I'm too old to be sat on the floor like this" Cutter groaned as he eased himself to the ground, Lily laughed.  
"Cutter you'll outlive all of us I'm sure" Lily was nervous things like this scared her but wasn't that what Halloween was all about?

Otis wrapped his arm round the back of her sensing her reservations about the whole thing.  
"Come on mama it's alright, it's all bullshit anyway" Lily nodded it wasn't surprising that Otis didn't believe in anything spiritual. Each putting a finger on the planchette they made circles on the board.  
"Is there anybody there... would any spirits like to talk to us?" Baby asked, thunder sounded making Lily jump.  
"It's alright mama" Otis chuckled putting a comforting hand on her leg, slowly it started to move to the ' **YES** ' part of the board, everyone looked at each other nervously.  
"Do you know anyone in this room?" Lily asked nervously trying to feel less scared by getting involved, yet again the Planchette moved to the " **YES** "  
"Are you someone's relative?" Baby asked hoping it would be her grandma, it moved to " **YES** " again Baby's heart skipped praying it would be her grandma she had been so young when she had died.  
"Can you move the counter to your family member please?" Baby asked hoping it would move towards her.

The counter moved ever so slowly in an eerie fashion towards...Otis! Otis looked slightly startled but frowning not believing a single thing that was happening.  
"This is bullshit I don't have any family"  
"Who are you?" Lily whispers freaked out by the whole thing slowly the counter moves.  
 **D...A...D** Otis gasps and jumps back in fear on the floor his eyes wide.  
"Very funny guys" Otis growls scowling at Cutter then Rufus both of them shrug their shoulders denying they'd moved it.  
"Is, is there anything you want to say to him?"Hoping that if someone was faking it they might fake out some sort of apology that might put Otis's mind at rest. Otis looked wide eyed heart beating fast as the counter spelled out the words.  
 **N...E...V...E...R  
E...S...C...A...P...E  
M...E **Otis let out a startled whimper.  
"NO, no this is bullshit I killed them, I killed them both, I destroyed them" Otis angrily stuttered.  
"Baby can we stop this now it's getting beyond creepy?" Lily asked Baby the counter moved again.  
 **I...W...I...L...L  
C...O...M...E  
F...O...R...U **Otis whimpered pulling his knees up to his chest.  
N..No not again, I'll never escape them all never be free" Otis sobbed.  
 **J...U...S...T  
Y...O...U...W...A...I...T **Otis let out a terrified noise and picked up the Ouija board and threw it against the wall before running upstairs, Lily called after him but he didn't stop.

Cutter and Rufus rolled on the floor laughing, they couldn't breathe they were laughing so hard.  
"Guys what the hell? Was that some kind of sick joke?" Lily growled, Baby looked from Lily to her father and brother confused as to what had happened.  
"Yeah and it was hilarious" Cutter panted out of breath from laughing so hard.  
"What the fuck guys you scared him to death"  
"What Halloweens for scaring people and the Ouija board did just that" Rufus explained, Lily shook her head disapprovingly.  
"You guys have gone too far, you know about his childhood that was a new low"  
"Lily you need to lighten up it was just a prank" Cutter chuckled.  
"Yeah a sick one, guess I'll deal with the mess you've made" She growled "I'm very disappointed in you guys" Lily huffed before heading up the stairs after Otis.

Lily walked into their bedroom to see Otis sat on the bed with his knees pulled up to his chest, hugging his knees.  
"Oh Otis" She said softly walking up to him and sitting next to him putting her arms around him. "Baby it's ok" Lily soothed.  
"Th...There never going to leave me" He stuttered she could feel him shaking under her touch.  
"It's ok Otis they're dead, you're safe they're not going to hurt you"  
"T...th... they'll come for me" He looked truly terrified.  
"Otis they're dead, dead and buried it was just Cutter and Rufus playing a sick prank" Otis looked at her wide eyed and confused. "Cutter and Rufus where pushing the counter" She explained.  
"Y, You mean I'm safe, my dad, he's not coming back?" Lily smiled and nodded hugging him tighter, before Lily knew what was happening she saw the terrifying face of anger spread across Otis's face she couldn't react quick enough to stop Otis from stampeding downstairs.

Cutter and Rufus hadn't been expecting the hurricane of anger launching itself towards them as they still sat on the floor. Otis laughed himself at Rufus and Cutter together; frantically Lily followed him trying to stop him but was too late. Otis threw a punch at Rufus then at Cutter he straddled Cutter and threw a punch again and again until Rufus grabbed Otis off him.  
"Mother fucker!" Otis growled fuming with anger he had been made such an idiot, Rufus punched Otis splitting his lip and Otis threw a return punch the fighting continued until Rufus, Otis and Cutter were lying on their backs on the floor breathless.  
"You done fighting now boys?" Lily asked her arms crossed.  
"Yeah mama I'm done"  
"I'm sorry Otis it was a low blow" Rufus gasped between bloodied teeth.  
"Yeah sorry happy boy" Cutter groaned.  
"Wasn't fucking funny" Otis growled.  
"Come on boys let's get you cleaned up" All three of them groaned as they heaved themselves off the floor, both Rufus and Cutter knew that that would be the last time they played a prank on Otis.


	25. Chapter 25

Otis hated it when he went through those days of hating himself. Those days happened less frequently than they used to since Lily had been on the scene, even less so since she had agreed to marry him. Lily accepting his marriage proposal had been conformation that she did truly love him that she was willing to spend the rest of her life with him so if she could love him for who he was why couldn't he? But he had the odd days where he hated himself, everything about him, his looks, his personality everything and today was one of those days.

He stared into the bathroom mirror, glaring at himself clutching the edge of the sink. He hated those blue eyes the ones that were just like his fathers. He had his father's eyes there was no denying that, as a small child he had stared up at those eyes begging for mercy often enough to know that they were the same.

He had put on so much weight since being with the Firefly family, he was a healthy weight now but didn't see it that way he hated what his body had become. All those years since he was a little boy he had believed that starving himself had been a way to avoid abuse, the skinnier he was the less attractive he would be and the less he would be abused and now that he was a healthy weight it made him nervous scared that he may be abused again now he was less gaunt, he hated himself for allowing himself to gain this weight. Since gaining the weight he had tried his best to avoid Cutter, although they had ironed out most of the creases of their strained relationship he could never forget the abuse that Cutter (the person he thought would finally be a loving father figure) too had put him through, and now he had gained this weight he thought that he could now be in potential danger of Cutters interests again.

Otis jumped startled by a sudden gentle knock on the door.  
"Baby... Otis are you ok?" Lily asked gently through the door, he had been in that bathroom for quite a while and she was worried.  
"Yeah S'nothin' I'm alright" He mumbled back not taking his eyes off his reflection in the mirror.  
"Otis please let me in" She begged, she knew there was something wrong.  
"I'm ok mama I'll be out in a minute" Lily sighed he was stubborn and if he had decided not to let her in there was no chance of persuading him.

Lily could tell when Otis finally came out of the bathroom that he wasn't OK, Otis always tried his best to conceal his feelings and thought he was great at it but Lily could always read him like a book, sometimes he hated her for being able to do that.  
"Otis you ok?" She asked walking up to him and wrapping her arms round his waist. Otis gave a small nod and smiled weakly. "What's wrong baby having a tough day?" Lily asked, he nodded there was no point lying to her she could always see right through him.  
"How about giving Rufus a miss I'm sure he can manage?" Lily suggested and Otis agreed.

Lily laid out the living room, made him a drink and put out a few of Otis's favourite snacks. Otis came down in his ripped jeans and grey vest; he gave a confused frown as he saw that Lily had turned the living room in to a den.  
"What's this mama?" He chuckled with confusion.  
"It's a den, no dens in your childhood either?" Lily dared ask hoping that in between abuse there might have been moments of childish play in an attempt to amuse himself.  
"Only in an attempt to hide from dad" Otis grunted, Lily stopped a sob that was threatening to emerge.  
"Well this is different, I thought if the worlds getting you down we can spend the day hiding from it" She said smiling "There's cushions in there, blankets, snacks and drinks" Lily pulled the sheet aside to make an entrance and crawled in, sceptically Otis followed.

Seeing the goofy chipped tooth cheek dimpled smile that Otis gave when he crawled in made her heart explode with happiness. He looked like a little child experiencing a den for the first time; Lily would give anything to have been able to change Otis's childhood. Lily handed him a hot beverage as he snuggled up next to get leaning against the sofa, he took a sip and sighed happily as he leaned his head against her shoulder a blanket pulled up to his beard. Lily bent her head down and kissed him on the forehead.  
"Love you Otis" She whispered.  
"Mmm love you too mama" He mumbled sleepily, she gently stroked his hair until he fell asleep.

"What are you goofs doing?" Baby chirped suddenly sticking her head into the fort.  
"Shhhhh" Lily said putting a finger to her lips.  
"What is all this?" Baby laughed.  
"Otis wasn't feeling too good so I made him a den" Lily giggled.  
"Awwww bless him, you're so sweet with him I'm glad he has you after all he's been through"  
"Still going through" Lily said and Baby nodded.  
"He's a lot better than he was though" Baby said cheerfully.  
"Yeah he is he's doing well" Lily stroked his hair; he gave a moan in protest "Shhhh" She comforted.  
"Well I'll leave you guys too it before I wake him up" Baby whispered before disappearing back out of the fort.

Otis groaned in protest as he woke up and rubbed his eyes, Lily loved how sleepy and cute he looked when he had just woke up.  
"Mmm hay mama"  
"Feel better?" Lily asked smiling, Otis nodded Lily curled up into his chest.  
"Why me mama?" Otis mumbled sleepily.  
"Why you what?"  
"Why do you love me?" Lily laughed in response.  
"What is there not to love" She said in response, Otis shrugged.  
"At the minute mama I'm struggling to find one thing that you'd love" Otis grunted.  
"Otis..."  
"No I'm serious, I got my dad's fucking eyes, I've gained like fifty pound a beard to hide my fucking scar and not to mention the fucking hidden scars inside me" He ranted.  
"Otis I love you scars and all, I just love YOU, everything that you are" Lily said pulling him close to her and kissing him on the forehead. "I wish you could love yourself as much as I love you"  
"I know you do mama the effort you've gone to today shows that, sometimes I just wonder why"  
"I love you because you're my Otis, you my handsome, sweet, goofy sexy Otis and I wouldn't want you any other way" Lily whispered kissing him deeply on the lips.

They were disrupted by an ominous plate of cookies sliding its way through the door of the den.  
"Thought you kids might like some freshly baked cookies" Mother Firefly called "They normally make Otis feel better" Lily looked at Otis and saw the nervous look he gave the cookies.  
"Go one baby have one" She smiled "I love you just the way you are, I wouldn't change you for the world, you've escaped all your past you're in no more danger just because you're a normal weight you're safe" Lily reassured.

The goofy smile reappeared as he was given confirmation and reassurance that he was loved and he was safe and given the go ahead to tuck into his favourite treat. She couldn't help but look and see that tiny ten year old Otis as he tucked into the cookies wrapped in a blanket. She really wished that that had been his real childhood instead of the horror that he had had to experience.  
"Thank you mama" He mumbled with a mouthful of cookies, relishing the sugar the years of being denied food let alone tasty sugary treats had made Otis develop such a sweet tooth once he was living with the Firefly family.  
"One day Otis I hope you'll learn to love yourself" Lily sighed but he was too deep into the enjoyment of cookie heaven to pay attention to what he was saying. She was glad the fort had helped him and she would continue to make all the effort she could do help him through whatever demons he faced, because he was her Otis and she would always love him no matter what.

In the evening Otis disappeared for a while, the den had helped him a lot convincing him that he was loved by Lily a lot he understood that even though he hated himself other people could still love him. But Lily could only help him part of the way she hated to think what he was doing to his victim to help him get over his bad day all of the way but she didn't really want to know. As long as he could get over this self hate he could do whatever he liked to his victim she just wanted her goofy happy silly man back. He needed blood and violence to fix the parts that she couldn't.


End file.
